Swimming Upstream

Chapter 11

A few short weeks later I was packing my suitcases to go home for Christmas break. I was glad to have the break. I really didn't know where my relationship with the coach was headed which I came to the conclusion was fine because too much over thinking about the future didn't help you. My phone went off and look down seeing it was from him. I opened it up and read "Hope that you have a good winter break. Xoxo."

Christmas is unusual to say the least when you are living in Southern California because namely you have no snow unless you went to Lake Tahoe. Every year we made it a tradition to have a big multi family event with Colleen's family where both sides brought a big potluck dinner.

Sitting around after dinner with Colleen beside me in the family room we watched "It's A Wonderful Life" that she always laughed at because it was a tear jerker. No man is a failure who has friends. It is what Clarence wrote to him leaving behind the old copy of Tom Sawyer on the table on top of the piles of money everyone had given to George to save the bank.

I looked at her without her noticing me knowing that at some point I needed to tell her. I knew it wasn't right if she did have feelings more than ran deeper than friends. I was going to owe her an explanation before things had gotten too far.

"You want to go out?"

"Sure, where to?"

"Griffith Observatory?"

"Okay," she said eyes widened.

I drove pulling up to the observatory where we both walked out climbing up into the outside viewing area seeing the Los Angeles area sprayed out before us. I stared out feeling deep in thought.

"You seem so quiet tonight," Colleen said. "Is there something wrong?"

I continued looking out until she turned me and said, "I know when there is something wrong with you. Is it the stress of swimming and school? Your classes?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "It's just that I don't want to hurt your feelings."

"Ryan, how could you hurt my feelings? You know you can tell me anything."

"I know but what I have to tell you is hard for me. I don't know how you will react."

"Then just say it and let me be the judge."

"Alright, here goes.....I like men."

"What?" Colleen questioned. "You mean you are gay?"

"Yes."

Colleen turned looking a little awe struck.

"I'm sorry," I replied. "I know I should of told you sooner."

"Do your parents know?"

"No! And you can't tell them! Please!"

Colleen put a reassuring hand on my arm rubbing it.

"Ryan, you needn't worry," she said. "I won't tell anyone."

"Good. Thank you. Because the last thing I ever wanted to do is hurt your feelings. Did you....?"

"At one point I did but I knew ultimately we were better off as friends," she said solemnly. "I just want you to be happy."

She reached over giving me a big bear hug nestling my face on her shoulder. I felt that one huge weight had finally been lifted off of me.