Pieces of the Present - [Danona] Book Two ✓

05. it's what you feel

She wasn't snooping. Snooping would be incredibly disrespectful and rude. Searching, that was a better way to put it. In fact, she hadn't been searching for something she wasn't allowed to see; all she wanted was to glance at the sonogram photos just one more time. She had copies of a few of them, but the others were in Katie's purse. 

Katie's purse, which sat on the living room coffee table. She had gone to sleep early that night, nothing much said over dinner. Not that they could blame her. It had been probably the most emotional day that they had shared in a long time. 

But upon finding the photos in Katie's purse, she also found something that made her heart drop into her stomach. She knew that Katie had been considering alternative options, but the pamphlet that had been hastily stuffed into her bag seemed to push even further. 

"Thinking about adoption?" 

Right across the margin of the brochure, the words practically burned her eyes. 

Her fingers ghosted over the glossy cover, the one that featured the faces of prospective parents, people who have chosen to place their child up for adoption, and the heart-melting smiles of babies. She knew this was one of Katie's options; she knew that. She just... she didn't think that it could be a serious potential option. 

In fact, she had hoped it wasn't. She had stayed as silent as possible with her opinions, fearing they would spill over into uncharted territory. Boundaries that she wasn't sure where they stood. But deep down, hidden beneath the silence, she prayed and prayed that this baby would stay in their lives. 

The past two weeks with Katie had brought up more memories that she had forgotten they even existed. She remembered her own sonograms, staring at the black and white screen as the baby bounced back and forth. She remembered the paralyzing fear she had felt when she held her own positive pregnancy test. She also remembered how heavy the weight of the adoption pamphlets were in her hand.

She also remembered just how badly she wanted to keep the baby when she had become pregnant. Yes, the choice did come down to her decision, but that wasn't without the opinions in her ear from everyone around her. Constantly being told that she wasn't ready to be a mom, that she couldn't provide. Maybe they were right, she'd never know. All she hoped for was the idea that she had made the right decision. She knew she was unstable when she was pregnant with Katie. She knew that, deep down, attempting to place her up for adoption had been the best choice. Still, there wasn't a day that hadn't gone by without her wondering if she had made the right choice. 

Her family had practically made her decision for her. She didn't want to do that to Katie. Yet, if she did, it would be opposite. She wouldn't beg Katie to give her baby up, she'd beg her to keep it. It wasn't her decision, but it continued to kill her. 

They had the means to take care of this baby, even if Katie was on her own. Except, money can't buy the emotional maturity it takes to raise a child — especially if Katie just didn't consider herself truly ready. Sure, they could buy enough diapers to fill a small island, but could they buy what they actually needed?