save me

six

i let myself relax as the warm rays of sunshine grazed my body. i didn't know how long it had been since i laid down in the sun- when i tanned i always felt like i was on the line of being conscious and falling asleep. my eyes were closed and my whole body felt peaceful, yet my mind was whirring with thoughts- most of them concerning john. thoughts, that wouldn't let me drift off into a much-needed slumber. which was probably a good thing, since no one can pull off a sunburnt look. 

i was shaken away from my thoughts (quite literally) by a cool hand on my shoulder and brian's soft voice.

''fred? freddie? frederick?'' he asked continuously, until i finally sat up, shielding my eyes from the bright sunlight with the palm of my hand.

''don't ever call me frederick again,'' i mumbled, glancing at the guitarist, who had previously been engrossed in some astronomy book, but seemed to think that pestering me would be a better idea.

''anything to get you to pay attention for once,'' he smirked. ''anyway can i ask you something?''

''you just did. but oh well, i guess i can allow you one more question,'' i replied, smoothing my messy hair down.

''uhm, is john okay?'' he asked, his voice quiet. my heart stopped, i was not expecting that. i turned to stare at the open sea in front of us to give myself more time to think of what to say.

''what do you mean?'' was john okay?  to put it simply, no. catching him in a good mood was becoming harder and harder and i felt like he was on the verge of climbing back into his shell soon and not let anybody in. back when he had just joined the band, he had barely spoken a word to us, preferring to be left alone. it took a long time for him to become comfortable and opening up and i didn't want him to become so closed off again. 

''it's just...he's kind of distant, don't you think? or, well, i don't know how he is with you but it's like he barely acknowledges rog and i. i also heard him throwing up a few times and he's lost so much weight...fred is he sick?'' he asked worriedly.

i gave him a small shake of my head, not daring to meet his eyes, because he'd be able to tell i was lying. we had never talked about it directly, but i knew john didn't want the other half of the band to know about what he was going through. but i just couldn't keep it to myself any longer- all the tears, worry and frustration i had been bottling inside of me for mothns just came pouring out all at once.

brian, bless him, didn't bat an eye when i collapsed onto his chest and bawled my eyes out. he wrapped his arms around me and didn't ask any questions. he just let me cry.

''fuck, bri, i- i'm loosing him and i don't know what to do,'' i choked out, the reality of the situation sinking in as more tears came out. john could die. he could actually die and it was all my fault. i was the one who didn't get him medical help when i knew he needed it. i guess i persuaded myself that i could help him on my own or something. i was, still am, so bloody stupid to think that.

''hey, no, don't say that. you won't loose him, okay? now tell me what's happening,'' he said soothingly.

''h- he's starving himself brian. god, it's so scaryand i did want to take him to see a doctor, i swear i did, b- but he begged me not to and now he barely eats anything because of m- me,'' i whimpered out, letting the fabric of his tank top soak up my tears.

''oh freddie...i'm so sorry. i had no idea. and please don't blame yourself, none of this is you fault, okay? you won't loose him, i- i promise. we'll think of something.''

''but what, bri? i've tried everything to try and get him to eat more, nothing'd working!'' i unintentually shouted. i was just so scared and so frustrated- i felt hopeless. 

''maybe, maybe you should consider getting him, uh, professional help. i know he's against, but it'd be best for him,'' brian murmured, looking into my eyes and holding the eye contact for just a few moments, before dropping his gaze to his lap.

''what are you suggesting?'' i asked, even though i clearly knew what he had in mind.

''w- well, you know, there are poeple out there, trained proffesionals, who'd know exactly how to help someone like john,'' he said softly. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

a/n: didn't proofread cuz i'm literally exhausted