The Spectator

Chapter 2: Shakespeare's Dick Jokes

     "You took the interview? Why?" Dan asked him before taking a huge bite of his meatball sub.

     "I had some free time and I'd just made her spill her coffee, so I figured—."

     "How'd you make her spill her coffee?" Dan raised an eyebrow.

     Nate sighed. Dan was doing his Spanish Inquisition thing. It made him a great journalist... but a terrible employee sometimes.

     "I was texting and I wasn't looking where I was going so I ran into her."

     "Oh..." Dan trailed off, before screwing up his mouth discontentedly. "Nate, I appreciate that you were trying to take something off my plate, but you can't just take interviews with entry level writers..."

     "This girl isn't going to stay a first level writer for long, Dan. Trust me."

     Dan eyed him suspiciously. "You know, Karen told me that this girl was pretty attractive."

     "So what," Nate replied dryly.

     "So... you didn't just take her out for coffee and step all over any semblance of authority I have because this Eleanor girl was hot, right?"

     "First of all, her name is Ella," Nate corrected him, "Secondly, what the actual fuck, Dan? You really think I would do that? This is my newspaper you're working at and I'm not just going to hire some girl because she's attractive—."

     "I'm just saying! Nate, no offense, but you have a history of—."

     Nate raised a hand to point at him, "Thirdly, you were the one who brought me her samples remember? She can write almost as well as you can—."

     "That's... kind of insulting."

     "Dan, if it means so much to you, you can interview her yourself. The final decision is yours... but just remember how much you hated all the other candidates."

     Dan pursed his lips. "I'll think about it. But I'm definitely calling her references and if even one of them is fake, she's out, Nate."

     "Fine. Perfect." Nate acceded exasperatedly. Humphrey was already miffed with him about restructuring his department, no need to continue poking the Brooklynite.

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     Dan, being Dan, ended up requesting a second interview with Ella. She waved at Nate through his open door and the sight of her brought a smile to his face. Hopefully, Dan wouldn't be unreasonable on purpose just to discredit Nate's choice.

     A half hour passed. Then an hour. Finally, a whopping two hours later, Ella walked back past his office, this time not remembering to wave. Nate moseyed on over to Dan's office once she was gone.

     The door was ajar, but Nate rapped on the frame anyway. Dan looked up from the book he had been rapidly flipping pages through.

     "How'd it go...?" Nate asked, noting the frown on Dan's face.

     "She... ugh, she doesn't like Tolstoy!" Dan exclaimed. "Said that War and Peace was, and I quote, "a snooze fest." What kind of English major says that?"

     "An honest one," Nate observed under his breath. "Is that War and Peace?"

     "No, this is Shakespeare, my complete works copy. She bet me there's a "Your Mom" joke in Act 4, Scene 2 of Titus Andronicus..." Dan kept flipping, "Now, I know Shakespeare was definitely one for toilet humor, but Titus Andronicus isn't one of his comedies, it's— oh. Oh, shit."