It Was a Bumpy Ride

Chapter 6

*DEREK'S POV*

"What do you mean 'Let you get better'?" I questioned, did she mean mentally or physically or maybe even both.

"I mean I need to be right with myself before I get into a relationship with someone."

"I can help you get better; I can help while we are together." I shot back, I wanted to be with her now. I wanted her to be with me.

"I'm not saying that, but I also don't want to start something if it's just going to end." she dropped her hand and it fell back to her side. "Everyone in my life leaves, and it's my fault. My brother, my parents, and all the foster families that wanted me."

"That's not your fault Emily, they just didn't see what a good person you are when they had you." I saw her eyes grow sad, she looked down to avoid my gaze and I pulled it back up. "You are an amazing person and you just need to realize that."

"I'm really not that amazing I'm ordinary, nothing special." She shook my hand off of her face and she closed her eyes.

*EMILY'S POV*

I couldn't stand to look at him in the eyes, he was just what I needed, but I couldn't have him. Yeah he said he wanted to be with me, but I don't really believe it. He's to pure, to nice, too trusting. None of those are bad things, but I'm none of those things and I don't think he gets that. He wants to help me get better, but I'm never going to get better. He's looking to save me from the dark path he thinks I'm on, but it's too late, I'm too far gone.

"Don't say that Emily, it couldn't be farther from the truth. Let me help you see that." he glided his hand down my arm to my hand and gave it a light squeeze.

"And they only way you can help me is if we are together? You can't help me by just being my friend for a little bit while I try to get better, that's not an option?"

"I want to be able to kiss you when you say you aren't pretty and I want to call you whenever I'm not with you. I need to be able to touch you whenever I want. I think being your friend is going to be too painful for me. The last few days spending as much time together as we did, was already painful, I couldn't tell you how many times I wanted to hold you and kiss you, but I couldn't." He let go of my hand and turned around.

"Derek I'm sorry." I wheeled backwards and rolled into my room. I couldn't face what I was doing to him. I couldn't help but think why not just give it a try, why not just let him 'fix me' if he could. But that's the thing I don't want someone else to fix me, I need to be the one to do it. I need to be the one who pulls themselves up form rock bottom. I wanted Derek in my life, but if it was too painful for him I wasn't going to make him stay, make him wait on me.

It was a couple of hours later and me and Derek still haven't talked about what happened today. I hadn't even gone out of my room and he didn't try to come talk. I didn't even know if he was here right now so, I decided I was going to go check. I got to my door and tried to open it as quietly as I could. And there he was sitting at the kitchen table with his head down. He didn't leave. I opened the door the rest of the way, and rolled over to him. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he jumped. I laughed a little and rolled back so I wasn't so close to him.

"Derek listen, I understand what you are saying about it being too painful to be around me if we are just friends. And I don't want to be the reason you are hurting. I don't want to be the reason you can't have everything that you want."

"I feel a but coming." he looked back down at the table like he knew what I was going to say.

"But, I need to be the one to fix me, and I would love if you would help fix me as a friend right now, but I can't be the one who is causing you so much pain. I won't be that person in your life." I looked down and waited for him to say anything, anything at all, but nothing came.

"I hope you aren't mad at me and I hope that one day you can forgive me." I started to put my hands on the wheels so I could back to my room, but I felt his hand grab mine. I looked up in confusion and before I knew it he was kissing me. I didn't respond to the kiss so he was going to stop but then I felt my arm keep him down with me, and I started to kiss him back, with everything that I had. This felt so right and I didn't want to stop, but this time he pulled away successfully.

"Are you saying that you didn't feel anything, tha-"

"I never said I didn't like you Derek, I said that I need to be the person that fixes me. If I didn't like you do you think I would let you in the way, I did at the hospital?"

"If you like me Emily let's just try!" He started to raise his voice.

*FLASHBACK*

"Get over here! I need to give you something now!" My then foster dad was saying. I knew what was coming, but if I didn't listen then I was just going to get a worse beating.

"Yes, sir?" I walked over slowly not wanting what was coming, just trying to delay the inevitable. Once I got over there he raised his hand and slapped me, and I fell to the floor.

"Why are you doing this?" I questioned

"Let's see!" He hit me again "You tried to talk back to my wife yesterday" He hit me again "You tried to go to school without making breakfast for the family" This time he kicked me "And lastly you have yet to say thank you to me or my wife for taking in such a disgusting person!" He kicked me in the head and the next thing I knew I was at the hospital and the police were there, they looked passed the doctor and saw I was awake. I could hear them saying that they needed to speak with me as soon as they could and since I was awake they could speak to me now. They walked in and started asking me questions.

"Hello, I'm officer Swan and this is my partner officer Tangent. We are here to ask you a few questions about what happened."

"I don't want to talk about it."

*END OF FLASHBACK*

"Why do you always do that?" I shook my head as to get rid of the memories.

"Do what?" I questioned.

"You always stare off into space, why?" Do I tell him? Do I not tell him?

"I was having a flashback to a foster home I was in when I was 15..."