It Was a Bumpy Ride

Chapter 7

*EMILY'S POV*

"And I suppose that you aren't going to tell me what the flashback was about?" he said with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"I mean what's the point, it's done and over with, there is nothing you can do about what happened." I replied with the same tone.

"I want to know about you Emily and that means the bad stuff and the good stuff, I want to know the happiest memories you have and the worst memories you have. I want to know what keeps you up at night and what gives you peace in your life."

"It's hard for me to open up about my life Derek, it wasn't easy and I don't like telling people about it cause then they just look at me like I'm some fragile thing after I do."

"I won't do that I promise!" he said getting a little louder with each word

"You can't promise me anything Derek, you don't know how you'll react to what I would tell you." I looked down and sighed.

"Then tell me and we'll find out." I touched my arm reassuringly.

"Fine, you really want to know?" I asked finally giving in.

"Yes I do."

"You want to know how my parents left me at a fire house when I was a kid and how I remember them telling me that it was my fault that my brother died. Or do you want to know about the first time I was hit in a foster house? I was 8 and I dropped my milk and it spilled on the table, and my foster mom got mad and smacked me across the face giving me a black eye. Or how about the time I got locked in the basement of a foster house because I wouldn't let my foster dad kiss me when I was 14. Or more recently when I was 17 when my foster dad forced himself on me and when I hit him in the head with a lamp he pushed me down a flight of stairs." I wiped the tear away and looked down, I could see it in his eyes he thought less of me now.

"Emily, I can't imagine how hard it was growing up in foster care. And I'm really sorry for everything you had to go through."

"I see it in your eyes Derek, you think I'm fragile now. And that's not even all of it."

"I don't think less of you Emily; I think you are one of the strongest people I've ever met." I looked up at him and then down again not wanting to meet his gaze, but he caught my chin with his index finger and lifted my head till my eyes met his own. "I want to know all of it Emily, you aren't going to scare me away with what you've been through, you aren't getting rid of me that easily."

"You are just going to leave like everyone else in my life did." I shook away his hand and I looked back down. "I think I need to go lay down, can you help me?"

"Yeah let's go." He walked behind me and started to push me into my room. He lined my chair up with the bed and picked me up and set my lightly on the bed. He lifted up my legs got the covers out from under me and put them over me. He turned around and walked towards the door.

"Are you leaving?" He stopped and turned around.

"I'm going to go lay down on the couch to go to sleep, but I'll be here when you wake up." He turned back around.

"Wait, I want you to sleep in here with me tonight." I looked at him in his eyes and pleaded that he wouldn't say anything else. He turned around and walked towards the door and I silently cringed that I asked him that. He walked to the door and closed it, turned around and walked to the other side of the bed. He got under the covers and looked at me. " Thank you." I whispered quietly.

"No, thank you." He smiled and kissed my forehead. After a while I drifted off to sleep.

You know those dreams you have when they just seem really real. Well I was almost positive I was having one of those dreams. All I could see was my brother laying on the ground covered in blood, then there was a mirror and I saw myself with the gun and I couldn't drop it, it wouldn't leave my hand. Started to run away but my legs wouldn't move fast enough to get away from the horror. I felt myself shaking.

"Emily Emily Emily wake up; you're having a nightmare." Derek was trying to wake me up. My eyes shot open and my arms flung around him and I started to cry. Derek was in shock that I was hugging him once the shock subsided he very slowly wrapped his arms around me and put his face in the crook of my neck. After a while in the position I was in my leg started to hurt and I finally let go, but he didn't. He pulled me up onto his lap and was still hugging me from the side. This time my head was in the crook of his neck.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked barely above a whisper.

"Not really, I've been having the same dream for a couple of years now."

"Maybe if you talk about it, it wouldn't be so bad." He said while he started to rub my back.

"It's just a dream I have about my brother, about his death and how it was my fault."

"But his death wasn't your fault Emily. It was the guy who shot him."

"But if I didn't go down that ally then he would still be here, I never would have had to grow up in foster care and I would've been happy." I sighed, but I can think of one reason why I wouldn't want my life to change right now."

"And what's that?" Derek asked confused. I looked up at him and thought about what I was going to say, I wanted to say it was him. I didn't want my life to change because he was in it. But should I say that? I did just tell him that I didn't want to be with him. If I tell him this is that sending mix signals?

"You." I said deciding that I was going to be honest.

"Why would you say that?" he let go of me and I knew I made a mistake.

"I said it cause it's the truth."

"You don't want me, but you want to tell me that you wouldn't want to change your life cause I'm in it."

"I do want you, I just need time to figure my life out right now."

"Figure out your life while you're with me."

"I don't know if I can." I said

"Just try please, what's the worst that can happen?" His eyes were filled with so much hope. And in that moment I knew my decision.