A Howl For Help

Chapter 25

After Lisa spilled the tea at dinner, things went relatively back to normal. That is, as normal as things could be in my situation. A routine had been established, but there were still numerous things I had to get over in my day to day life; the nightmares, my constant fear of not being good enough, my inherent trust issues which seriously limited my ability to get closer with Maddox...

Despite all that, things were going well.

That is until today.

Today was the day we were finally going back to the Black Raven pack to distinguish between those who had to be punished, whatever that punishment may be I still don't know, and those who were innocent. Maddox said that those I deemed as safe would be relocated to a new pack where they'd be under supervision for a few months before being fully accepted. 

Maddox said that anyone who had ever laid a finger on me would be punished. He refused to elaborate on how they would be punished, it scared me. I didn't want anyone to be hurt.

Obviously my life was no cake walk, but I didn't want people to suffer because they were just following what everyone else did. Some of the teens there grew up with me being abused as the norm, how would they know any better to stick up for me?

Regardless Maddox said that through the mate bond he'd be able to tell if I was lying about someone ever hurting me, so I couldn't protect anyone from it.

We were leaving in an hour and I was holed up in the guest bedroom I was staying in every once in a while. I had tried being comfortable staying with Maddox, but some nights I had to resort to the guest bedroom or else I'd stay up all night anxious ridden, not that that wasn't normal for me.

The mate bond was supposed to help, but right now it just felt suffocating. I was trying so hard to reason with him, tell him to just forgive my pack, but the hard headed idiot refused to listen to reason.

On the brink of an anxiety attack, I begin leafing through the printed packet of names Maddox gave to me. He had gotten a list of all the members of Black Raven to keep track of who fits into the guilty or innocent categories. 

I hadn't even realized I was crying until I saw that the page was wet. The first names listed were Ryan's and Taylor's. My throat felt tight as I read through the names, realizing there were more bad than good people listed. How many people would get hurt because of me?

My hands began trembling as I read one name, Ashton Oakland. 

I was cursed with this pointless task of scrubbing the floors. No 13 year old wanted to scrub the floors. None of my friends wanted to hang out with me anymore, and suddenly it was ok to make me do all the chores that the omegas used to be responsible for. I used to be adored, but with the Luna gone, Alpha Ryan gave everyone the impression that I was a piece of  pointless garbage. I was tired of it. I threw down the sponge as I heard someone enter the kitchen. I smiled from my kneeling position on the ground, Ashton. I knew he wasn't my mate, but it didn't stop me from having a crush on my childhood best friend. 

"Ashton! I'm going to go talk to Ryan, I'm not doing this anymore, it's been weeks. It must be enough time from Luna passing for me to be able to talk to him, right." His face contorted with anger, fear maybe?  His fists clenched at his sides, it scared me.

"Ashton?" My voice shaked. "Are you ok?" He lifted his hand, staring at it like it was going to fall off. He put it on the back of my head, I didn't think anything odd of it, sometimes he pets my hair- in a friend way. His fingers tighten around my hair. "Ow, Ashton, stop, please." He didn't, his grip got tighter. Before I know what to do, I feel my head being pushed down into the soapy bucket of water beside me. I didn't know what to do, this didn't feel like the playful banter I was used to with him. My hands found the ground as I tried desperately to push myself out of the water. I couldn't breathe, there was water in my nose and mouth. I pleaded in my head for it to stop. I didn't know then, but this would soon become my life. Ashton wasn't allowed to be my friend anymore, and he had to prove it to Ryan.

I felt hands on my shoulder, shaking me, I jumped out of my daze and looked up to see Maddox, of course. I felt his hands on my cheeks wiping tears I didn't even know about. He loudly demonstrated a slow breathing technique for me to follow, which I graciously did after realizing how shallow and quick my breaths were. 

"Phoenix, please don't get yourself worked up over this visit. You don't even need to go, just go through the list and write who's hurt you."

He was beyond frustrating. I had to do this, why didn't he understand. Why was he so comfortable executing nearly an entire pack? How can he not acknowledge that there are families and good people there. People who used to be my friends. 

My shaky hand pointed to a name. 

"Ashton?" A hint of jealousy made his way through his voice.

"He- he was my best friend. Ryan made him be mean to me, but he's not a bad person. He just did what he had to, so Ryan wouldn't turn on him and his family."

I hadn't seen Ashton in years. After being forced to physically harm your best friend for that long, he couldn't handle it. His parents stayed, but he left. I don't know where to, he could have joined another pack or gone rogue for all I know.

"You can't prosecute everyone who hurt me, they were forced to. I won't let you." He narrowed his eyes at me. 

He wanted to be this overprotective Alpha male, but I needed to have a say, I would not be pushed to the back burner with every decision we had to face as a couple. I stood my ground as he continued to glare at me, almost un-approvingly. 

I groaned, "stop treating me like a child. I know these people, I know what I'm doing. I have spent so much of my life being ignored, never having a say, I will not take it any longer." I blew up in his face unapologetically. I won't back down.

Suddenly the mood shifted, Maddox was no longer frustrated, instead he looked proud and weirdly attracted to me. I guess there's something appealing about a strong woman when he's used to the cowardly lion... wolf... I usually am.

"We'll do it your way Phoenix. So help me Goddess though, if all these 'innocent' wolves do anything to tarnish my name, I will be blaming it on you," he joked.

My Goddess, he was just sarcastic as me. This could be love.