Sunflower post-it's

Chapter ten

Time doesn't stand still for me nor for my mini breakdown. The service still goes on , the doors have been closed now, but I can hear soft spoken words and singing, lots of it.

People continue their commute to and from wherever , children giggle and laugh in the playground across the street. Mothers's sharing gossip as they watch over their youth.

A car speeds past the church , music blaring. My attention is caught because that was us. That was Kenya and I not too long ago.

I bury my head in my hands as silent sobs rack my body. I taste the saltiness of tears on my lips and I wonder.

Do all these people minding their own business know why I'm sitting out here? Do they know that my best friend is in a casket soon to be lowered into the ground and never seen again? Do they know the pain in my chest? Surely not. Because surely this pain is enough to kill you.

I think the reality of the situation is finally sinking in. She's dead. Nothing more , nothing less. She is gone and these stupid notes must have been a cruel prank of hers to keep me clinging to hope. To make sure I never forgot her. To steal my life too as she goes six feet under.

My sobbing comes to a halt as I feel a hand on my shoulder. The owner of the hand doesn't say anything , simply giving me a weak squeeze.

I look up , vision blurred by tears and I see Xavier.

His eyes are red and his face pale. We don't speak , his couched down so our eyes are level and I am sitting on the ground , a heap of sobs and sorrow.

The look in his eyes reflects my own pain. I see my own hurt in him. The lost hope in his green eyes. He must have come to the same conclusion as I.

Trying to speak, I open my mouth, but my bottom lips quivers and before I know it my body is entrapped in strong arms and warmth. I hug him back tightly.

We stay that way for a while, hugging and crying. Neither one of us having the strength to speak , but we don't have too. Actions have always spoken louder than words. In this moment his actions say "You're not alone , I'm here for you" mine echo that of his.

•••

Neither of us made it to the graveyard with the rest of the funeral entourage. We didn't watch her casket being lowered into the ground. We didn't throw a single rose into her grave or a handful of dirt. Nor did we whisper a final farewell.

We hugged, cried and finally got up and went for a drive.

Xavier has been driving my car for a while now , but we haven't spoken. Probably because we couldn't possibly know what to say right now.

I needn't have to ask where we are heading because I know this route like the back of my hand. It's a secret place. A special place. It's called View point.

I glance at Xavier from the corner of my eye. His jaw is set tightly , eyes fixated ahead. The radio is on , turned low but not low enough that the song playing can't be heard.

Reaching our destination Xavier pulls the car into park.

Ours is the only car in sight. Raised atop a small mountain , a panoramic view of our town displayed below. It isn't much , not captivating , breathtaking nor a one in a million view.

Simply put: it's pretty.

The woods left behind us , singing birds and whispering winds playing tunes for our ears.

A sense of tranquility settles over me. Kenya and I used to come here. To talk or listen to music. Sometimes with a milkshake or coffee in hand. Mostly ,just to sit in the car at stare at the view. To think.