Closer By The Day | DESUS

Over a year and a half

I've been lying throughout this fic in my notes. It wasn't just sickness or assignments causing lack of motivation and it wasn't just due to the major cannon changes during the series. I still watch the walking dead but things have been dark. I was living in an isolated place with some family and writing this fic was supposed to be a distraction from this living hell i was in since i love twd so much. Writing this fic was around the time i realised my mother cared more about her creepy, deranged, abusive boyfriend than my own wellbeing. I was treated like nothing and i was in so much denial because after everything, how could my mother, my role model be so selfish? He poisoned her mind to think i was seeking attention and blaming "an innocent man" out of prejudiced thinking. No hun, it's the assult i was facing and had to "suck up" but some people just don't understand the difference between prejudice and judging from the content of CHARACTOR. This peace of crap man who violated me and drove me to alcoholism knew what he was doing, but i guess it was his favourite technique to keep his arse in the clear. I am shaking while typing this, i have never put this out online, only spoke to psychologists about it and THEY are the reason I'm free, not my mother who was week and kept her eyes shut. The social workers got me ready for the outside world and it's been over a year and a half since leaving that place. I've been practising forgiveness and i still allow my mum to see me even if everywhere she goes, so does he. He had not harmed me since then, verbally or physically since i am no longer under his roof. He knows I'm a good person and tried to take advantage of that since we first met.
You're probably wondering why i shared this to you guys  (if you're still around) well, i can't keep secrets anymore, that got me nowhere, it did not help me heal. I was proud of this fic and it's a shame i lost interest after a months of being out of home. I'm ok, I'm just making changes. The emotional damage and violation had ruined all my friendships and i can never connect with people on a personal level. I am alone. But.. i get by. Next step is to learn to forgive myself for pushing people away and forgive those who took away my spark, i realised that's the only way i can truly live life and love again.
Thank you so much for your time reading this. I won't be deleting this account anytime soon incase i get back into fan fic writing (maybe not this fic, but still twd related or comedic stuff)
Until then, bye ya'll