The First Gladers

Chapter 10: Haunting Memories

  Your eyes open slowly, met with a blinding light. You shift awake with no memory of your dream. You cry out as sudden pain shoots up your leg and stabs at your skull. A warm hand is rested upon your arm soothingly.

"Hey Y/n. It's ok, you're ok." A familiar voice states.

You turn your gaze upward to see Chris's face smiling down at you.

"We were so worried, we thought we lost you." Chris chuckles.

"Will..." You trail off.

Chris hangs his head. "Alex too."

"What!?" You exclaim, attempting to sit up, but the stabbing pain in your head causes you to sit back.

"Yeah, I carried you back to the courtyard, but I was out of time. Alby and Alex helped me get you through the doors, but Alex didn't make it."

You bite your lip, trying to force down the tears, but they all flow out anyway. You cry hard. Will and Alex. They died trying to save you. Why. WHY. Why did this have to happen!? They both died in the most horrible ways, for you. You cry. You watch in your mind as Alex chases a chicken across the courtyard. No, the Glade. He would've called it something creative like that. You picture Will and his horrible attempt at grilled cheese. It's not fair. It's not fair! It shouldn't be like this. They shouldn't have died. This is all your fault.

Chris holds your hand while you cry, knowing that's what you need. Nothing he could say would make you feel any better. So he holds your hand, sits by your side. He's there for you, quietly supporting you. You cry until your eyes are dry, then you pull Chris into a hug, savoring the warmth and comfort.

"We're going to call this place the Glade." You finally say, pulling away from the hug.

"Why's that?" Chris questions.

"Alex would've called it something like that. It just fits." You respond.

Chris nods, "I like that."

The rest of the day, Chris and Alby take turns watching over you. They change your bandages and check your stitches. You're impressed, the boys did a pretty good job patching you up. If you're careful, you should heal nicely.

Day after day you lay in bed. Chris tends to the animals while Alby watches over your garden. They bring you breakfast lunch and dinner. If you weren't in so much pain, you'd feel like a queen. After 15 days the boys finally took out your stitches. You have to say, you never want to go through that again. That marks the 21st day in the Glade.

Slowly and carefully, you start exercises for your legs, regaining the muscles you lost over time. Ever since that day, no one has gone into the Maze. A mixture of fear and grief keep you inside the walls of the Glade. In here, you're safe. In here, we can't lose anyone else.

Your memory of that day is foggy after falling on your head, but what you do remember haunts you. Every night you see Will's face, screaming in pain, saying that this was your fault. You would see Alex's face, scrunched up in pain as his body was crushed by the walls, him screaming that this was your fault. Little do you know, that more haunting memories are to come, all of them worse than what you've already seen.

  Day 23: Finally, you're up on your feet, limping around the Glade. Neither Chris nor Alby will let you do any strenuous work yet, so you "Supervise". While you sit, you notice how perfect the weather is. It's always sunny, it's the perfect temperature where it's not too hot, yet not too cold, unless of course, you're working the garden or building. If this place wasn't so deadly, it could be seen as a paradise. You can imagine the advertisements, "Completely forget your old life! Start a-new in this perfect paradise dream Maze!" You laugh to yourself. Then your heart sinks, Alex would have loved that. Guilt starts to well up inside of you once more as your mind trails off to thoughts of the dead boys. You glance up at the Maze wall where their names are now scratched out. Suddenly, you want to be alone. You stand abruptly and head over to the memorials in the woods.

You collapse to your knees on soft turf in front of three shabby stick-crosses. Each cross has the name of one of the dead boys. The guilt becomes too much too fast. It surrounds you, suffocating you, taking away any chance of hope. Your whole body shakes with sobs. You feel trapped, unable to do a thing about the horrible past. You're overwhelmed with self-hatred and grief and it's tearing you apart. One thought remains in your mind, it's all my fault. You pick up the closest rock and fling it at a tree with a scream, trying to relieve some of the rage and the hurt filling your insides. You hear someone cough behind you.

"Hey Y/n," Chris says softly, taking a seat next to you.

"Not now Chris." You snap, not letting him see your face. You can't handle talking to anyone. They wouldn't understand. Two boys died because of you.

"No, I'm sorry Y/n, but we have to talk." Chris presses, resting a hand on your shoulder.

"I... I can't." You stutter, trying to force back a sob. Your throat and your eyes burn as you hold back the flood of tears. You have to be strong for Chris and Alby.

"Y/n, tell me what's on your mind," Chris says simply.

Then the floodgates open.

"This is all my fault!" You shout, "They died because of me! For me! If it wasn't for me, they'd still be alive, they'd be here, helping find a way out of this shuck place. My life isn't worth both of theirs, they shouldn't have died! But they did... They died, because of me." Your voice trails off as you silent tears start falling from your eyes.

Chris gently lifts your chin with his finger so that you're looking at him.

"This isn't 'your fault'. You didn't mean for any of this to happen. They knew what could happen if they stepped up to save you, and they took the risk, because to them, and to me and Alby you are worth it. They didn't die because of you, they died for you. They gave you a second chance. So what are you gonna do with it? How are you going to honor them? They believed in you, as their leader and as their friend. They believed that you could bring us home, and I do too. I believe in you Y/n. You're worth it. We will make it out of this, but we can't do it without you. Alex and Will knew that and were willing to risk their lives for that, we all were. " Chris says. You feel something you've never felt before, not like this. You look into Chris's eyes and see the sincerity behind the crystal blue. Your heart swells with hope, filling you up like a balloon. Then, he kisses you.