the morning came and the sun peaked through the windows. i opened my eyes and saw zach sat up in bed. the smell of cigarette smoke fell upon my nose.
it was only dreamy when zach did it. otherwise, it sickened me. i couldn't help but love everything he did.
he looked down at me and put the cigarette inches from my lips waiting for my approval.
i nodded leaning forward taking a long drag from the cigarette soon after i coughed.
zach chuckled before putting it back to his mouth. "just because it's my thing doesn't mean it has to be yours."
"but i want to share every-"
"i'm looking for a lover." zach blurted out looking out his window.
"i thought you weren't that type of person."
"i'm not. but i guess i could use the company." he sighed before looking at me to blow smoke in my direction.
zach was incredibly handsome in this moment.
"you think you're up for the job, fuck face?" he spoke again.
"really?" i said, excitement laced in my voice.
"yeah. just no labels. i don't want to hear boyfriend or anything. you're just my lover, nothing more."
"but nothing less okay?"
-
zach took me on a walk in the park that afternoon after he said he was tired of sitting in the house. he even let me intertwine our hands for a while.
he sat down in the grass with me and laid my head in his lap. his music played quietly beside us.
"why do i kinda care about you?" he looked down at me tears filled his eyes.
i wasn't prepared for his sudden mood change. his tears began to spill from his eyes and hit my forehead.
"why are you upset? did i do something wrong?" i panicked before sitting up.
i began to think as he looked away from me not responding. it was definitely his anxiety. he must've gotten nervous from our long silence.
"gosh, i'm so sorry zach." i dig through the bag we had brought from his house pulling out his pills.
he was slightly shaking as he swallowed his pills and grabbed the water bottle from my hand.
he sipped in silence.
"why did you suddenly get nervous? you don't have to be nervous around me of all people." i reassured him before laying back down putting my head in his lap.
"i-i don't know why.. but sometimes i care about you. it's so fucking stupid cause i don't want to care about you." he said harshly.
i didn't mind it, though. he only said it because he was stressed and almost had an anxiety attack.
"i love you no matter what you say to me." i sighed, closing my eyes.
"fuck, i didn't mean to be rude.." he said quickly
"i know you didn't." i did know in my heart he didn't mean it. his apologies meant the world to me.
"thanks for being there for me, lover." he whispered.
_________________________ next chapter will be long but y'all will have to wait till tomorrow
also I might call out work on Monday to write this cause I fuckin love writing this
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