late saturday, after his family dinner, he clung to me as we laid in his bed. "zach please tell me what's wrong. i want to help you." i lay under him as his head rested on my chest. i looked around his room was back to being extremely messy. i felt his body begin to shake.
i had never witnessed zach cry until this moment.
his body shook while he cried out loud. his body trembled against mine. the only thing heard through the room was his desperation.
he kept muttering asking me to help him.
"please. what's wrong? why are you like this?" it broke my heart seeing him having such a horrific episode.
zach shook his head before putting it back on my chest.
"let me get your pills, baby. you're having an anxiety attack." i tried to move him and it made him grip me harder.
"i don't want them. i want you. stay with me, please!" he cried, not letting go.
i felt helpless. why was this happening and why wouldn't he let me help him?
his tears soaked my shirt and i whispered reassurances in his ear.
"C'mon now, please.." i asked again. gently, i didn't want to push but i needed to know.
but nothing was said. his cries only calmed to a silence and his breathing a little slower.
i looked at his head of hair as he rested on my body. his mouth was slightly parted and soft snores could be heard through the room.
it was a truly terrifying point in our relationship.
in the days that passed, zach had returned to the former shell he was when we had first met. very closed off and immensely quiet.
it took him two weeks to finally speak to me about what had troubled him.
his little sister had passed away that morning, in the night he cried. she has ventured out of her house in order to play and the nanny didn't notice.
reese wondered too close to the street that day.
"fuck, reese, i love you so fucking much. why couldn't you have waited for me to get home to play?" now zach gripped my hand harshly as we stood feet away from her casket. zach had sobbed again that afternoon. not daring to stand near his family.
i didn't know reese well but i knew her well enough to know that she was a star on a dark night.
zach had cursed the nanny who attended so many times she had to retreat from the funeral.
in the celebration of life event after the funeral, zach had returned to his normal self.
he even smiled at me. "hey lover, you hungry?" zach spoke up adjusting his tie.
i nodded. he came back with a plate of chicken salad, handing me a fork. we shared it together.
"everything's gonna get better, i promise." i smiled at him, praying he would believe me.
"i believe you, love." he lied.
__________________________ Sorry reese had to do it to yah cause progress
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