the whisper of a feeling [Aizawa x Student]

tell me, how are you feeling?

Miya had gone into the two weeks of Present Mic's absence feeling relatively sure that she would be able to quell her darkest fantasies about Aizawa and maintain a calm, neutral façade of emotion.

She was less sure now. 

The day after her tutoring session was difficult as she had to constantly monitor her thoughts, lest they drift off to something... not entirely appropriate. Paying attention was the hardest part. Even his soft, husky voice couldn't lull her into listening to the lesson, but she sure paid attention to his purposeful, lithe movements and his little gestures and micro-expressions. 

The weekend bought no end to her suffering, if not increased it. Kamato was a large help to distracting her, planning her birthday and activities they could do in Tokyo and whatnot. But as she lie there in the dark hours of the morning, still not asleep, her thoughts would drift back to her first Thursday session. 

'His head was right between my thighs,' her mind would taunt, forcing her knees to go weak and heat to flush her body. She couldn't help but remember all the little things that caught her so breathless.

His hot breath;

the look of victory in his eyes;

raven hair swept across his face;

his hot breath in between her thighs.

Yeah, she wasn't really sure anymore. 

Monday bought new problems in the sense that it was now not only her own erratic behaviour that was affecting her. His dark, tired eyes, which she attentively followed with her own in every lesson, wouldn't rest on her. He seemed to avoid her hand when he looked for answers to his questions. Curious, she fought the need to scan his emotions with her quirk; the temptation was crushing but she kept it at bay.

Tuesday was worse. Miya had often struggled with the need to be valued and validated. She didn't have to be the best, acknowledgement that she was doing her best and that was okay was what really got her. But his wary eyes had barely watched her fight her opponent, looking anywhere but her. She'd won, and done it in a way she thought might impress him. No injuries on her behalf and her opponent didn't mentally devolve. He answered her strategy with barely a word apart from the announcement, which wasn't so different from the other students, but still, she didn't like it. Her anger and confusion flared just slightly. To say she craved his attention was a little far, but not too far from the truth. She did want it, badly. 

After her fight, he seemed totally tuned out. Maybe other students hadn't noticed it, but they weren't paying attention to Aizawa, rather to the fight in front of them. At the time, she recalled thinking, 'Curiosity killed the cat,' as she ever-so-slowly and slightly used her quirk to touch on his emotions, barely looking for the whisper of a feeling. Annoyed, tired, and overwhelming amounts of shame flooded her senses. It was paining to retract her quirk, she could sense there was more beneath the emotions she'd found. However, the thought of risking everything --her graduation, her future-- for a peek at his soul was not enticing enough. What she'd found sated her curiosity... for now. '-but satisfaction brought it back.'

She wasn't an idiot, she could make the connection of his new feeling. Miya had been scanning his emotions for a long damn time. The timing along with such deep feelings of shame seemed to connect the dots themselves. On one hand, she was secretly thrilled to be the cause of what seemed to be eating away at him. Hell, impact was impact. On the other, she was here at U.A. to learn how to be the best, and he was an expansive font of knowledge supposedly at her disposal.

With just an hour of his time, he'd helped her more than she'd been expecting (see: not emotionally incapacitating her opponent). If she was going to excel, not only in her tutoring session tomorrow, but in the next week and a half, Miya needed him on her side.

'Speaking of sides, that's a good looking side profile if I've ever seen one.' Her thirsty brain bought her partially back into her surroundings. She was supposed to be solving algebraic equations along with the rest of 3-A, but had been letting her thoughts go. Her eyes were also admittedly not on the page in front of her. 

'I wonder if he's shameful because of what came after the tutoring.' Her mind was totally out of it  by this point, 'Does he lie awake feeling guilty of what happened, or out of disgust maybe? Or does he feel the opposite? Does he feel good?' A smile unconsciously tugged on the corner of her mouth. 'Is he losing sleep to thoughts and touches like I am? Does the release of sleep come only with the release of all that pent-up desire like mine does? I wonder if we've been sleepless for the same reason at the same time.'

Her brain rationalised with itself, 'Shut up you pervert, I bet you'd like to know. You can't go around thinking those things anyway-'

Miya had never been a rational person, '-I would really like to know, yeah. I want to know what he thinks of me, God, of course I want to know. I want to know how much he would struggle with these impulses. 

'I want to know what he thinks he should do and I want to know what he wants to do. I want to know what he does to himself and I want to know what he wants to do to me. 

'I've got my own ideas, but hearing it straight from him?' She was becoming hyperaware of the effects her thoughts were having on her body. The tension was almost becoming torturous, and by her own hand -so to speak. 'Well, I don't know what I'd do.' 

Algebra was a background noise at this point. The page in front of her had pretty much melted away from her thoughts, but she was never paying that much attention to it anyway. Though she was well and truly out of it, her eyes lingered on his frame, taking in all and none of the details.

'He'd be good in bed.' 

'Where did that come from?!'  Her own bluntness had genuinely caught her off-guard.

'Him, hopefully.'

a/n: I don't know how I'm going to keep ghosting around the explicitness. also hi! also the next chapter is gonna be worse! remember how I said in the first chapter 'hey it gets better :)'? I lied. not intentionally, because I thought it would be, but yet, here we are. I am sorry. I know it sucks, I just have no shame.