My Man Crush | Jinkook ✔️

Fifty-Eight

Seokjin's Pov:

Is he really asking me to be his boyfriend? Tonight is our very first date, and I don't want him to think he can have everything back so smoothly next thing you know we will be right back where we once started. I can't have that, I don't want that. This time I don't want to rush anything, I want us to take our time. We have time.

I reach out and place my hand on top of his as he stares at me, "Jungkook let us date for now. One day I will be thrilled to be your boyfriend, but right now I do want us to take our time." I could see the immediate sadness in his eyes and my heart almost caved, almost. "You know more about me than I know about you. I want us to take time time to really get to know one another. Once I open the door to having you as my boyfriend, I want to be certain that this time we are real."

I am scared. That's the honest truth, I don't want to give everything to Jungkook and then for him to hurt me again as much as he had such an effect on me. I have to remind myself at what I went through; how much I don't ever want to feel such pain again.

"I don't want to rush or force you into anything, and if dating is what you want us to do then I will be okay with it as long as we are dating exclusively." his thumb runs over my knuckles as he spoke.

"Okay," I whispered as I stared into the love of my life eyes.

"I won't hurt you again, I promise." He leans down and kisses my hand. It was as though he could sense my worries and fears.

*********

Dinner was amazing. I had no complaints regarding the food or the service. Jungkook did an outstanding job picking out the place and the chef as well.

"Are we heading home now?" I inquired with Jungkook as he held my hand and guide me out.

"No, we are going onto the second part of our date," he said, turning around and giving me his signature smile.

"Second part of our date?" What else did he have planned, I wondered to myself.

He didn't answer me but only guided me to the car where he retrieved a bag from his trunk and walked us back up to the hill in the opposite direction of where we had eaten a few moments ago.

"Jung-"

"We are going to enjoy the night view. There you can ask me anything you want," he said as his hand held tightly onto mines.

"Yes, sir," I responded.

He stopped and turned to face me almost instantly, "Seokjin, if you want us to date and for me to show you the romantic side of me, don't call me that unless you are asking to see a different side of me. Okay?" his eyes were intense and bore into mines as he caressed my cheek, making everything in me tingle.

"Okay." it was almost inaudible. I didn't trust myself to talk much when he was so close to me. I closed my eyes to break our intense eye contact.

I am not sure when it happened, but I heard he let out a little chuckle before he pulled my hand again and began guiding us to our next destination. The entire time I kept my eyes onto the floor.

"We are here." he let out once we stopped causing me to look up and look around where we were exactly.

I was in complete awe, we were standing on the top of the hill overlooking the city. The stars in the sky were shining at their brightest. The scenery was beautiful. I literally felt as though I could lay right where we are standing and fall asleep. The view, along with the nightly breeze, was everything and more.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it." I turned towards him and told him. "I am glad," he said with a smile.

Releasing my hand, he opens the bag he was carrying and pulled out two blankets. Using one to cover the spot next to us and resting the other on top of it.

"I figured this would be a good spot to relax together and for us to talk about anything or for you to ask me any questions you want vice versa," he says while taking a seat on the ground and patting the side next to him.

"It's nice," I commented before joining him on the floor.

He pulled me close to him as soon as I sat down, "what do you want to talk about Seokjin?" he questions as he began rubbing his nose against my head. I could feel his heart beating due to the close proximity of the way I was position next to him.

"I am okay with talking about anything," I told him truthfully.

"Did you hate me at any point in your life and was there a specific time you hated me the most?" oh, we were asking these kinds of questions.

"Umm...I don't know if I hated you, but I have been angry at you a lot. If I ever did hate you or the time I was most furious with you was when our son took his last breath. During this time, I believe I despised everyone except for Areum. I don't think any pain I have endured in this world will ever compare to the day I lost Kai.

I think that's the time in my life. I hated you the most. Maybe if I had met you then, who knows, but I probably would have killed you." Losing my son was no joke to me, and I do think that was a turning point in my life for a lot of things. As I was working on rebuilding myself, a new pain had arrived to tear me back down. It's the most challenging thing I have ever had to deal with and still is.

Jungkook leaving broke me, but it will never ever compare to the pain of losing my own child.

Jungkook massaged my shoulder with his hand, he was silent. It was until I felt drops of water onto the back of my neck I realize he was crying.

I turned to face him, "Why are you crying?" seeing him cry makes me sad inside I was close to crying myself.

"I am sorry, Jin," he whispered out.

I wiped his tears away, but they continued to flow; it broke my heart, seeing him like this. He looked vulnerable, something unfamiliar.

I leaned forward without hesitating and kissed him.

Even though I was hurting and endured a lot, he too was hurting somewhere deep within. 

*******

More than likely there are errors. I will correct at a later time.