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11 ~ Numb

I pressed the nurse call button. Tears were starting to fall down my face. I didn't know what was happening.

Everything was a blur. Doctors were coming in and out, someone was doing CPR and another person was going out to find an AED. I had to move out to the hallway because Annie had a small room. I remember shakily holding my phone up to my ear, calling my dad. He didn't pick up. I remembered that he was in a meeting, so I called over and over again until he finally picked up. I was trying my best to explain what was happening, but it all sounded like gibberish because of my crying. I think my dad knew something was wrong. He said he was coming and hung up.

I was able to get back into the room, but I had to sit on the far side, near the door. I saw a doctor shaking his head. I looked at a heart monitor they had hooked her up to.

Two beats per minute.

My heart fluttered. No.

Doctors tried other things. From what I could hear, they had no idea why this was happening. Annie had seemed fine yesterday and the day before that. A thought came to my mind.

"Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy," I said.

"What?" One of the nurses said.

"It's the heart disease my brother died from," I choked.

The nurse mentioned this to a doctor, who spread it throughout the room. I drew my knees under my chin and sat in a ball on the chair.

Dad arrived. He immediately knew what was happening, standing next to me.

Five minutes later, I heard the worst news of my life.

Julianna Grace Leblanc was pronounced dead on April 8, 2020 at 10:23 a.m.

I was angry. At the world, at my mother, at the doctors, at everyone and everything. Two siblings taken from me. Mom left last night. My dad's going to jail.

My life was falling apart.

I wanted to die.

But God saved Annie for a reason. She didn't die when she jumped.

I decided to take this as a sign that killing myself wasn't a way out.

When we left the hospital that day, I was numb. Everything was fuzzy. I couldn't hear much. When the car stopped, I slowly made my way into the house. I went up the stairs to Annie's room and collapsed on her bed. I felt something under the pillow and pulled it out.

It was her blankie.

I began to cry and could not stop.

+++

I woke up to darkness outside Annie's window. The clock on her nightstand said it was 9:04 at night. I think I was asleep for almost eight hours.

I forced myself to stand up, still holding Annie's blankie. I slowly took her sketchbook out of her hospital bag. She wanted it while she was there, since her arms weren't injured badly and she could still write and draw. I opened it, scanning the pages I had seen before. I flipped to the page after the drawing of her sobbing on the ground.

It was a drawing of Annie and I, colored in, taking a selfie. Caleb was taking the selfie with us, but he was just black and white. Annie's colors were a bit faded. Mine were bright and shiny. This made me wonder if she knew she was going to die. It was signed and dated two days ago.

The page after was incomplete. A few seconds after I realized what was on the page, I closed my eyes and sat the book down next to me.

"That can't be true. Why the heck does my family have so many secrets?!" I mumbled to myself.

I took a deep breath and opened it again.

The page was Caleb, Annie, and a little girl I didn't recognize. She had dark hair resembling Annie's and light brown eyes. Her smile looked exactly like mine and Caleb's.

Above them was written in calligraphy,

"Sadie Marie Leblanc, I'll never forget and never forgive."