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12 ~ It All Kind of Makes Sense

I stared at the page in shock. I sat the book down on Annie's bed before standing up and going to my dad's room. He was crying, flipping through a scrapbook of our family. I remember when my mom used to scrapbook. That was so long ago.

"Dad?"

He looked up at me. He rushed to wipe his face, then closed the book. "What's up, sweetie?"

"Did I have another older sister?" I asked.

He paused. "No, it was just Annie. Why?"

I felt tears in my eyes. "I found this in Annie's sketchbook." I held up the drawing so he could see it.

His eyes widened. "I don't know who that is," he stuttered.

More tears tried to come. I felt myself begin to grow angry. "Tell the truth. Do I have another older sister?"

He hesitated, then sighed. "Yes."

"Why don't I know about her? Where is she?" I asked, trying to soften my tone.

He began to cry again.

I waited in silence. 

"Shortly before your mom was pregnant with you, we had to give Sadie up for adoption. I don't know why we did. I think we were having trouble with taking care of three kids so close to the same age. I actually can't really remember. Your mom just kept saying that she couldn't deal with her," he said.

"Then why did you keep me?" I asked.

"I don't have a reasonable explanation for that." 

I paused. "Do you ever think mom didn't love her?" 

He sighed. "I think there's many things about your mom that weren't right."

"That's not what I asked though. What do you mean?"

"Your mom always seemed... off. When you were little, we went to couples therapy, and the therapist pulled me to the side one day and told me that,"  he took a deep breath, "she thinks your mom might have been a sociopath. I didn't want to get her evaluated or anything because I was in denial of it, but I slowly started to think it was true, too. So, yes, I think there was a weird reason behind not wanting to keep your sister, and to why she didn't think Annie needed help, and to even why she left."

I was shocked. "It all kind of makes sense," I whispered to myself.

He nodded his head, so I guess he heard me.

"Do you know where Sadie is?" I asked.

"No. When we gave her away, we still lived in Texas, so she could be anywhere."

I sighed and left. When I got back to my room and my phone. I had a few texts with friends asking why I hadn't been at school. I decided that they needed to know the truth about everything. I texted them the whole story. 

And that's when I decided I'd go back to making videos. Not necessarily happy ones like before we stopped vlogging, but ones that could really help other people in situations similar to mine.