Loved And Lost

Chapter Six

Heyyyy so I'm the worst and I never update this and I'm soooooo sorry haha

I do this thing where I start posting before I finish the first draft and then I end up getting writers' block and don't ever finish BUT I refuse to let that happen because I LOVE this fic so have another chapter while I contemplate my existence

WARNINGS: PTSD, toxic relationship, food mentions.,,,,,,, uh, missing a toxic person? that may just be part of the toxic relationship idk

YEET

Patton sat curled up on Roman's couch, a blanket tucked around himself while he thought.

He thought of Matthew. His little smile, and the way Patton's stomach would twist into knots when they touched. The way it felt to kiss him the first time, and the way Matthew always came up behind him and grabbed his waist. A shudder suddenly ran down Patton's spine and he stiffened, surprised. Then he thought of more.

The way Matthew would yell, cruel words that Patton knew he couldn't mean. His rough hands when he manhandled Patton onto the bed, not stopping to ask after the incident with Roman - or ever again. The way he looked at Patton when he didn't think Patton was looking. A deep cruel disgust on his face that Patton told himself was a trick of the light, he knew it wasn't.

Patton buried his face in his arms and started to cry, and heard the already soft conversation fall silent in the kitchen. In moments, someone was sitting down next to him. Gentle hands, far more gentle than Matthew had ever been, pulled him close, in a hug. Patton didn't even pay attention to who it was, he just turned and buried his face in their chest. Now that he'd started, he couldn't stop. Sobs shook his entire body, and he tried to keep them silent to no avail.

"Patton...."

It was Logan.

"It's... it's alright. We're here now," Logan said, ever so gently tightening his hold on Patton.

"L-Lo-Logan... Logan..." Patton finally managed to choke out through his sobs. "Wh-what... what did I... what did I let him do...?"

"Patton..." Logan rubbed Patton's back gently. It felt soothing through the bandages on his back. "This wasn't your fault."

"B-"

"No buts," Logan said firmly. Patton took a deep breath, wiping tears away. More replaced them, but he was feeling refreshed after the crying.

"You feeling a bit.... Better?" Virgil asked from Patton's other side, wincing as he realized what a stupid question it was.

"I... I dunno." Patton pulled away from Logan and burrowed back into the couch. "I don't even... what... what happened? What happened to me? Am I even..." he trailed off with a groan.

"It'll take time, Padre," Roman said, patting his shoulder gently. Patton hummed into the couch cushions. The doorbell rang and Logan got up, Patton felt his absence and frowned.

"That will be the pizza." he left to go pay, and Roman took his place.

"What were you thinking about?" he finally asked.

"Dude!" Virgil snapped. Patton took a deep breath, rolling to look at him.

"I-I was thinking... about Matthew," he said softly. They both nodded. "H-he said... he said he loved me... more than anyone else ever could."

"Patt..."

"I know!" Patton burst out, hugging himself. "I know what he did, and I know that means he didn't really... didn't...." yet more tears filled his eyes and Patton gasped. "H-he didn't love me..."