Reddie or Not

Chapter Nineteen - Love Not Love

Eddie fumbled with his keys, turning them in the lock slowly to make the least noise possible. As he entered the living area, the coffee table lamp switched on and he jumped as Richie's face came into view.

"Fuck, Richie," said Eddie as he tossed his keys to the side. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Did I?" asked Richie, pushing himself to his feet.

"I'm going to bed," said Eddie, ignoring him. "G'd night, Rich."

"Hey," Richie grabbed Eddie's hand and pulled him back. "Where have you been?"

"None of your business, Rich." said Eddie, prying his arm from Richie's grasp.

"When my boyfriend goes out until-" he glanced at the clock. "-three A.M., it is my business. This is the fifth time this week, Eds. Where were you?"

"Nowhere,"

"You keep disappearing for hours," started Richie, crossing his arms over his naked chest. "You don't talk to me. You don't want to kiss me. You don't want to have sex. You walk out of the room when I walk in. You don't laugh at jokes. Eddie, please. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," said Eddie plainly. "Nothing is wrong."

"Have I done something?" asked Richie. "Because whatever I did, I'm sorry, okay? Please just talk to me."

"It's not you, Richie." said Eddie, rubbing his temples with his finger and thumb. "It's not you, it's-"

"Who is he?" asked Richie, his heart pounding. "There's someone else."

"There's no one else."

"Then what is it?" asked Richie desperately. "Why are you being like this, Eds?"

Eddie paused. Say it, he thought. Stop putting it off. It'll only get harder.

"Because I'm not gay." declared Eddie. "Never have been, never will be."

"What are you on about, Eddie?" frowned Richie. "You went to a conversion camp? You said you were gay. We had sex. Lots of times."

Eddie swallowed. "I've realised that I was just sick."

"What?" whispered Richie. "You're- You're not making sense."

"I thought about what they told me there, about gay being unnatural." said Eddie. "They're right. It doesn't make sense. I was sick. I'm not a... fag."

His words felt like a knife piercing through Richie's heart. "You don't mean that."

"I do, Richie." he lied. "I'm going back to my mom's. I don't want to live with you anymore."

He grabbed his keys and a jacket, then began to head out of the door.

"But- But," spluttered Richie, tears suddenly streaming uncontrollably. "Eddie, I love you."

Eddie didn't turn back. If he looked, he wouldn't be able to go through with it.

"Yeah, well, I don't love you."