Switching Teams (BoyxBoy) (Completed)

Bad idea

How can something be everything and then nothing in the blink of an eye?

My mind races as I push through the locker room doors. I couldn't tell you who (if anyone) sent me their congratulations or if I had ran the entire way. The only thing I was one hundred percent certain of is that the look on Levi's face will haunt me.

I hate that I put that devastated look there. I hate that this hollow feeling taking root in my stomach is all because of me.

Why?

Why did Levi have to come out so soon? I thought, he like me, wanted to wait for a better time?

I mean I'm not mad that he came out but couldn't he have told me first? I don't think I would have talked him out of it, but it definitely would have prepared me and I could have...

Could have what, Brandon? My mind taunts me as I sit on the bench in front of my locker.

Could've broken up with him before he came out? Ignored him so that his sister wouldn't get too suspicious?

Even the thought hurts. Truth be told, I don't know what I would have done if Levi had told me he was ready to come out.

"B, you in or what?" Gunner drops down on the bench next to me in nothing but his jeans and starts tying his shoes.

I hadn't even realized that most of the team was already showered and finishing their dressing, while I still sat staring at my locker in my uniform.

"What?" My voice sounds weird even to me, but if Gunner notices he doesn't comment. Instead, he stands and starts digging through his locker looking for something.

"The party, B. And before you say it, I know. No backseat banging if I get too drunk. I got it." He gives me a smirk over his shoulder as he grabs his deodorant.

"Yeah, yeah fine," I stand and grab my towel and clothes before walking towards the showers.

I'm in no mood to party. No mood to even be celebrating, but what's the alternative? Sit quietly at home and overthink everything?

Somehow that seems worse.

I shower quickly and change into my clothes even quicker. The locker room is eerily quiet as I head back to my locker.

"So that's it then?" I spin around at the voice and my heart breaks at the sight of Levi.

His hair is messed up, probably from running his hand through it like he just did. His eyes are rimmed red and I can see the tears forming just behind his lids.

He looks every bit the definition of a beautiful disaster. And much to my shame, I am the architect behind it. 

The silence stretches on for a beat as I am lost in him. I am every bit as head over heels in love with him and I am terrified of what that means.

A door closes somewhere and I am reminded that this isn't the safety of an empty park or dark gay club. This is a high school locker room and very much open to anyone.

"I can't do this right now," I mumble before sitting on the bench, my back to Levi, looking for my socks.

He moves to stand in front of me in a flash. His features dark, like an avenging angel as he looks down at me.

"I came out for me, Brandon.  Because I was tired of feeling like I was living a double life," Levi yells, the tears finally falling from behind his lids, rolling slowly down his cheeks.

I stand quickly looking around to see if there was anyone in here, but I couldn't see anyone.

Levi grabs my hands pulling me closer to him. I can feel the warmth of his body as his hands tighten their grip on mine.

"I came out for me because I am not ashamed of who I am or who I love," his voice breaks as one of his hands reaches for my face and strokes along my jaw, "I love you."

His lips are against mine before I can even really process what he said. Our tongues beginning the dance that they have rehearsed over and over.

Whatever distance was between our bodies was erased and I fight the moan of his firm body pressed against mine. My own hands cling to his shirt, pressing us impossibly closer.

I can feel every inch of him, just as I'm sure he can feel every inch of me. It's always so easy to get lost in Levi.

In his arms, I feel safe. Like nothing can hurt me because he will never let it.

"Yo, B! hurry up man!" I pull away from Levi at the sound of Gunner's voice, the distance multiplying as my I stumble a little. My eyes widen as I look around but I don't see Gunner anywhere.

But did he see us?

"Brandon," my name, a tortured whisper from Levi's lips as he drops his hands to his side.

"I can't -" A sob makes it's way up my throat and I can feel a tear rolling down my own cheek, forging a trail for the others.

The room is stuffy, I feel like I can't breathe. I need to breathe, I need to think. I need to stop looking at the devastation on Levi's face.

I turn and grab my keys from my locker, leaving everything else behind. A sob comes from behind me and it's like a knife to my heart.

Coward! My mind screams at me and I stop at the end of the row of lockers. 

What are you so afraid of?!  I don't know anymore. I just need to think.

He deserves to at least know the truth! 

I half turn but can't bring myself to look into his hazel eyes. If I do, I know I won't be able to leave and I just need to think. I just feel overwhelmed.

"I love you," I whisper before walking away, pretending I don't hear the sob from behind me.

Or is that the echo of my own?

The night air is cool against my skin but it isn't as refreshing as I thought it would be. I still feel like I can't breathe. It's like I left not only my heart but my lungs as well back on the locker room floor at Levi's feet.

"There you are, I was worried you went down the drain," Gunner laughs jumping off the hood of my jeep where he was waiting for me.

I can tell the moment he notices that I've been crying, but I shake my head silently pleading with him not to ask. Without thinking, my eyes scan the parking lot but there is only one other car here.

Levi's.

My eyes jump back to Gunner's and I worry he is putting two and two together. I can't help but feel like my entire world is falling apart around me.

The drive is short and thankfully Gunner doesn't ask any questions. My mind has somehow become more chaotic than before. Levi whispering 'I love you' playing like a song on repeat and each time I hear it, it's like being punched in the chest.

I just want to silence it all. I just want to pretend for a few hours that everything is okay. 

"Hey Gun," his eyes were scanning the party but look to me when I call him. His head nodding back, silently asking, 'what's up'.

"You're driving tonight," I toss him my keys and walk towards the party without hearing his reply.

This has bad idea written all over it, but maybe it's what I need to calm the storm in my head. To forget, if only for a few hours that I'm being torn in two.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3