Switching Teams (BoyxBoy) (Completed)

Breathe

"Oh honey," my mom sighs, sitting quickly next to me on the couch and pulls me into her arms.

It feels so familiar here in her arms. The same arms that comforted me when I would be sick or injured as a child. The same arms that held me at night when the darkness would invade my nightmares. The same arms that reassured me over and over again that I was safe and loved.

I cry harder, clutching to her as if she would be ripped away from me at any moment. She doesn't grow impatient or try to push me away. instead one arm pats my back gently while the other strokes down the back of my head as she shushes gently in my air.

"It's okay. It's okay," she coos, not in the least bit worried about the tears that are drenching her shirt.

My tears slow, but don't stop as she finally pulls my head from her shoulder and holds my face between her hands. Her eyes, the same color as mine, search my face before she speaks.

"We may be disappointed, Brandon, but we love you," I can see my dad sitting on the coffee table in front of us, nodding in agreement.

When he moved, I'm not sure. I didn't even register that it was his hand patting my back as my mom stroked the back of my head as I cried.

I love you. 

"I fucked up," my voice is hoarse from the crying and I can't bring myself to look at them, so I stare at my hands in my lap.

"Language, Brandon!" My mom scolds but still reaches to take my hands in hers.

I risk a glance at my parents' faces. Both wear matching masks of concern and even share a glance, but they both look at me, waiting patiently for me to speak again.

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. I feel like a fish as I continue to try and put a voice to the thoughts in my head.

"I- I just," I can't seem to find the right place to start. Every possible scenario is running through my head and it's all getting muddled together into a tangled web.

"I'm scared you'll hate me," a sob breaks from my throat as I drop my head into my hands.

I don't even know that I have ever cried like this before, but I can't seem to stop the emotions that are rolling through me. It's wave after wave of anxiety as my heart beats almost painfully against my chest.

"We could never hate you," my dad says as his hand smooths over my hair.

"Honey, you're shaking," I didn't even realize I was shaking but now that she mentioned it, I can feel it.

"Please talk to us, you're scaring me," I can hear the emotion in my moms' voice and my walls crumble.

Every ounce of fight that I had, drains away and I feel like a child hiding in a corner. I wipe my tears with my hand but keep my eyes cast down at our feet.

"I'm gay," I whisper but it was hardly audible to my own ears.

"What?" my dad scoots closer on the table. Both my parents' hands still on me, either rubbing my back or stroking my hair.

I lift my head, trails of tears staining my cheeks and look at them as much as I can bring myself too.

"I'm gay," My eyes flood and the entire world blurs but not before I see the shock register on their faces.

It's like an earthquake inside my body. Tremor after tremor rocking around and I can't seem to calm it. I can't even name the sound that is coming from my lips. It's like a cross between a hiccup and a sob. 

"I'm sorry! Please don't hate me! Please don't be upset with me!" my hands are in front of me, begging them to still love me. Begging them to still see me as the same Brandon I've always been.

"Brandon," my mother coos but is cut off by my father.

"Damn right I'm upset!" he stands quickly walking a few steps away.

"Matt!" my mom nearly shouts in horror, watching as my dad shakes his head and stares at the wall.

I wrap my arms around myself, unsure of what to do or what to say. I try to quiet my emotions and reign in my tears but it seems next to impossible the more seconds tick by. My heartbeat is stuttered but only I can hear it breaking.

My dad turns around, eyes rimmed red and his own tears beginning to move down his cheeks.

"Well, what do you expect, Jane? Look at him!" my dad gestures to me and I choke on my sob, wrapping my arms around myself tighter as if that will shield me from what I've done.

"I am looking, Matt, and all I see is our son," my mom's voice is strong as she moves to stand in front of me as if to protect to me.

"He drank himself into oblivion over this," a sob breaks from my dad's throat and my mom's defensive stands drops as she steps forward and wraps my father in her arms.

I'm stunned silent as I watch my dad sob against my mom's shoulder

"What did we do wrong, Jane, that he is terrified of telling us his truth?"  I can barely hear him as he holds my mom closer, muffling his voice.

I don't think I have ever, in my life, seen my dad cry. I had thought that he was upset at the fact that his son is gay, but now I'm teetering on the edge of hope that maybe it's something more.

I stand slowly, my tears slowing as I approach them slowly. My mouth opens but I can't get any sound out. I reach my shaking hand out and put it on his shoulder. His red eyes meet mine and my lips tremble.

"I'm sorry," it's stupid but it's the only thing I can think to say. Both of them turn to face me, trails of tears lining their cheeks just like mine.

"You've done nothing wrong," my mom holds my face between her hands again, forcing me to look into her eyes, Her voice with an intensity I've never heard, "Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing you could do will make us love you any less. Even if you killed a man, you can bet we would visit you every chance we got in prison because you will always be our son."

I couldn't contain myself as I leaped forward wrapping my arms around both of them as much as I could. Their arms encircled me and at that moment it felt like a weight has been lifted off me.

Levi was right. It's tiring living a double life. Exhausting trying to keep up with the lies I've made trying to cover the truth.

I'm not done yet. This is just the first step, but for the first time in I don't even know how long, it feels like I can finally breathe.

<3 <3 <3 <3