Switching Teams (BoyxBoy) (Completed)

Surrender

I can't remember now why I thought it would be a good idea to set an alarm for five. I guess maybe I was hoping for something like a romance movie, where this sweet song starts playing and the character looks up and there they are, staring into the eyes of their lover. But as I hit the snooze on the alarm for the second time, I realize it was a stupid idea to begin with.

To pass the time, my mind finds it fun to torment me with memories of the last time I was on this bench; Of Levi's arms and lips. His words ringing in my ear with the torture of my mistakes.

Despite everything that has happened, I honestly thought that he'd be here. I thought he would come and I knew wishing for things to go back to how it was would be nearly impossible, but I thought maybe we could start over.

I thought he loved me. I would've put my hand on the Bible and testified in court that he did, but maybe I had misread and misjudged everything.

The soft music from my phone starts and I close my eyes in defeat as the weight of heartache settles in my chest. I don't bother snoozing the alarm this time. I waited, I kept the hope but at some point, I need to realize he's not coming.

I can feel my lower jaw begin to tremble and I know that tears aren't far behind. But I won't cry, not yet. I'm not ready to fully mourn the relationship and maybe I won't ever be. Maybe I will keep pushing it off one more day until finally, I wake up and the pain is gone. Maybe just like that, I will be able to move on if I give it time.

It doesn't work that way, my mind taunts and even though I know it's the truth, I'm not ready to face it.

"I didn't think you'd still be here," my head turns towards the voice, my heart already knowing what my head tries to deny.

Levi stands a few feet away from me, hands in his jean pockets as he looks around the park. His hair looks soft and I can tell he had run his hand through it a few times, but I refuse to allow myself to believe he did it specifically for me, because He knew I loved that look on him.

His hazel eyes meet mine and despite continuing to tell myself to stay calm and not build up too much hope, my heart doesn't listen.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Will you ever learn? My mind taunts but my heart continues to beat in excitement.

"I, uh, wasn't gonna give up easily," I want to smack myself for that stupid response, especially when Levi makes a 'hm' noise in his throat and rocks back on his heels.

I stand from the bench quickly and Levi's eyes snap to me at the motion. He automatically takes a step back like a scared animal and I feel a frown tugging at my lips. I don't know what to do, what to say. All I knew was I had to see him, had to get him here and I did.

So now I have to wing it, I guess.

"Do you want to sit?" I motion to the bench, but he shakes his head, his eyes not staying on one particular object as he looks around us.

"Thank you for coming. I know -"

"I debated it," Levi says, cutting me off, his eyes dropping to his shoes as he kicks at a rock, "I wasn't sure if I should. I mean you know what they say, Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice..." He trails off with a shrug and I try not to wince at his words, but they hurt.

It takes me a minute to absorb it all, to really digest what he's saying and I have to trample the fear down. I've come too far to chicken out now. Whether I like where this goes or not, we need to have this talk. And of all the places I want to start, all the things I should say, all I can focus on is one thing he said.

"So why did you? Come here- I mean," I know I owe him answers not the other way around and yet, I couldn't help myself. I needed to know the answer before I could move on. Some might call it hopefulness,  while others call it self-sabotage.