Don't Look Down

twenty-seven: don't distract me

While Rita had sufficed as a venting partner, I quickly learn Seth is the preferable choice. With my friend, I'd had to maintain a level of poise. She understood my pain, but she's still an employee at the company I now despise. That posed a threat my malicious words could someday end up regurgitated into the ears of my boss. I trust her, but I need to stay smart.

Plus, despite my warning in the office, she'd still managed to toss a concerned line regarding my relationship into our lunch. Her concern is justified. Seth is my roommate, which can lead to problems if whatever we're doing hits the blender. I could be left without half my rent, or worse, a tarnished heart. However, right now, he's the person who understands me and what's happening in my life the best. I'm not about to hit the brakes and lose that because of a silly bit of logic regarding an uncertain future.

Especially not when Seth's letting me complain thirty minutes after I walked through our apartment door and started this slew of rancid muttering.

"I'd get fired if I shot Clive in the balls, right?" I ask him as he leads us down a street lined by abandoned buildings. He's carrying my gun case and to the random passerby, it'd resemble a briefcase. "Even if I'm crucial to the companies' success?"

This is why Seth is my optimal listener. He wanted me to get this new job as much as I wanted it for myself. And while Rita had been able to empathize with me, Seth can be angry with me. Which he is. I still feel that anger pulsing from him in waves, but it's leveled so he's no longer dropping expletive bombs like a B-52.

"Probably. You should let me do it. I can be very discreet." His eyes twinkle with mirth, but his statement holds truth.

"I want to quit." It's been an ever-present thought in my mind since I carried my sorry butt from Clive's office.

"You should. You're too good at your job to roll over and take this shit the way you are."

I understand his anger, even the part directed slightly toward me. It's the part of him that wants to protect me from the harsh realities of the world. Sadly, this isn't something I can be protected from. I hate that my pride has been swiped clean, too, but circumstances keep me on the chain Clive has wrapped around my neck.

As we round a corner and head down another empty street, I say, "You know why I can't."

"Because you're petrified we won't make rent." He nods. "But reality flash, you're not living on your own anymore."

I consider our discussion weeks prior when Seth had offered to pay my share of the rent. He'd hardly known me then and his faith in me had already shown. He's placing that offer back onto the table, but as much as I appreciate the gesture, I won't let myself rely completely on a man. He has a firm grip on my heart, I'm not about to give him everything else.

So I brush his offer off with simple deflection.

"You can't afford our rent on your own."

"As a matter of fact, I can." He turns his head around and points at his face. "Insanely attractive face, remember?"