Don't Look Down

thirty-six: don't give me that shit

Seth's bail had been posted and he'd been released.

As I throw open our apartment and find him in the living room, my heart soars. He's here. He's safe. Everything is okay. The hours I spent hyperventilating behind a steering wheel seem so silly now.

Then my eyes land on the gun, black gloves, and envelope resting on the island.

"You weren't supposed to be here for this."

Seth's words muffle in my head. Something inside me screams to look up, to face him, but I can't tear my eyes from the items.

He's going back to work for Calvin.

I reach for a stool, my knees nearly buckling.

"Don't," I whisper. "Don't do this."

The walls close in. My heartbeat's in my throat, pulsing with the threat of a sob. Reality tips on its axis. I need the connection of his sightline to keep me steady, otherwise panic will short-circuit my entire system.

Peeling my gaze from the evidence of what he's about to do, I find Seth focused on the floor. He won't look at me. Not even when I say, "Do you know what he did to me today?" My voice is low, evidence of the lingering cracks Calvin and Lindsay's actions have made.

That gets his reaction. He finally looks up, revealing tired eyes with puffy bags underneath. But most prominent is the concern blazing from them. It accompanies the rage, which filters through his hand as it lowers to white-knuckle the countertop.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

He rakes a shaky hand through his hair, his brows dipping in alarm. "I'm fucking serious, Ellie. Are you okay?"

No, I'm not. But I will be.

"He trapped me in our hotel room. He held me at gun point, then had Lindsay knock me out and watch me to make sure I didn't interfere when he posted your bail or whatever trick he used to get you out. Would you be okay after that?"

His fury ignites. It comes with the spastic shake of his head and narrowing of his eyes.

Good. I want him to feel that anger. The same anger that's been consuming me since Calvin decided to step back into our lives and the fear left.

I place my palms on the island. "Is that really the man you want to work for? Someone who hurts the people you care about. Someone who forces you to leave them behind so they're left to drive back to the city without a license?" Because I have to believe it was him that made that call, not Seth. The Seth I know would never abandon me like that.

"Of course not." He slams his fist against the countertop and I'm marveled it doesn't crack under the pressure. "I want to kill him for the shit he did to you."

"Then don't go to him." My voice is an elevated plea.

He matches it. "I have to."

"You only think you do." I step around the island, desperate to reach him. "What happened to being tired of Calvin's bullshit and lies? What happened to no longer being that man? What happened to the life you wanted here?"