Lunar Reviews [OPEN]

3 | just one favor

Title: Just One Favor
Author: Alana2215

PRAISE
I think the best part about this book was the way the plot carried. It's not my type of book, personally, because I've never really been into high school romances, but as far as I could tell you carried the storyline really well and I know plenty of people who are into this genre would really enjoy the story!

TO WORK ON
I don't really have any SPECIFIC details for this, because what I noticed was pretty general. Don't worry, they're pretty easy things to get the hang of ;)

So first thing's first. The imagery needed to be stronger. You did a good amount of description in itself, but a lot of it was telling and not showing, or was just lacking impact. For instance, on the MC's peaceful morning, don't just tell us it was peaceful and use lots of adjectives and adverbs to describe the day. Show us the dusty sunlight peeking through the blinds and the quiet shadows it casts around the room. Show us what MAKES it peaceful. Here's a quote that really inspired me (I'm gonna botch this so bad because I can't remember the exact wording or who said it but it still makes sense):

"Don't tell me it was a moonlit night. Show me moonlight glancing off a shard of glass on the floor."

And be careful with your use of adverbs! If you can change a combination of verb+adverb/adjective+adverb to one precise, expressive word, do so!

As for the grammar, there didn't seem to be anything serious except that the verb tenses switched a lot. I can tell your story was written in the present tense (is, hold, smile) but there were a lot of random switches to past tense (was, held, smiled.)

OVERALL VIEW
The story itself is a really good one. I can see where you're going with it, and the characters' relations and personalities are clear, although they all kinda have the same personalities except for some of them being meaner than others. Don't freak out by my saying that! The best way to really bring out your characters' individuality is to get to know them well yourself, then just... show them being them. Their decisions, their weird little joys, their sense of style, their opinions of others, their faults, their fears, how they carry themselves, etc. You take all that and put it into the story in little or big ways that endear the reader to their uniqueness. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a stereotype, as long as you give the character individuality inside that stereotype.

Well done, really. As high school romances go, you did really well with the conflict and lives of your characters. I can tell through your writing that you enjoy what you do, which sounds like a small compliment, but when it comes to writing, that is very, very big. I highly recommend your work to those who like this genre. <3