Lunar Reviews [OPEN]

5 | stars roulette

Title: stars roulette
Author: -kiwiloves-

PRAISE

I really love the plot to this story, even if there's only four chapters so far. The world you create is unique, interesting, and believable, and you did a great job drawing the reader in with a hook. Your characters' personalities were, for the most part, easily read. Only one problem...

TO WORK ON

... While the plot, worldbuilding, and characters were all so lovely, this story was hard to read. I really loved the entire thing but the grammar and wording just kinda made it really difficult to understand without taking a minute to think, and that shouldn't happen in a book.

Be very careful with your verb tenses. They switched constantly, going from past to present tense, sometimes three times in one sentence. This can be easily fixed by proofreading your sentence, although it'll be a bit harder if English isn't your first language. ♡

Make sure you understand the words you're using. For instance, there was a bit that said my feet pondered the cobblestones. I think you wanted to use the word pounded. Pondered means to think carefully.

OVERALL VIEW

I'm not sure how to phrase what I want to say, but basically, everything about the story is wonderful and, overall, a great read... except for when it comes to the grammar and voice. Don't give up this story. You just need to work on cleaning up your writing so that it's concise and clear, so that readers won't have to stop and think about what you might mean. Expand your vocabulary if you can to find expressive words. And, as every writer must do, revise and edit! No first draft is anywhere near what it can become. That's why it's a first draft. Some people can complete their story in just a few tries, others may take a while. And that's OK.

I really like your work. It does take some puzzling sometimes, but in the end you brought across what you wanted, and I can tell through your writing that you have a brilliant imagination. I hope you keep writing ♡