Lunar Reviews [OPEN]

4 | mellifluous

Title: Mellifluous
Author: Wingsanddreams

PRAISE

Your imagery was lovely, and your introduction to the story made it easy for the reader to jump right in. Your characters are lovable and for the most part realistic. (Great job!) The plot is original and really endears the reader to the protagonist. Great work!

TO WORK ON

Pretty much everything I noticed was on the grammatical and story voice side of things.

As for grammar, the dialogue had loads of punctuation errors. (Don't freak out, that happens to everyone and it's something that can be fixed in the editing process.) If you'd like further clarification on how to correctly punctuate dialogue tags, I posted a link to an article in the first review in this book. (I believe it's titled "Whatever it Takes.")

As for voice, there were some awkward stumbles in flow. Like, words that were repeated too often or too close together, or sentences that didn't quite fit with the rest of the paragraph.

All of this is stuff that you find in every first or second draft, though, so it's not alarming. That's why it's called a first draft! Your story, just like every other, just needs a good proofread and some editing.

OVERALL VIEW

Great work on this! I've said this in another review for someone else and once again, it's easy to tell how much you enjoy what you do through your story. You really did well at bringing the characters to life and giving them purpose. Just need to work on those little stumbles here and there ;)