Lunar Reviews [OPEN]

8| forever

Title: Forever
Author: fallenaengel

PRAISE

I was actually really impressed with the whole thing. It's not the type of book I would normally read, but you did really well setting the scene, bringing out the characters' individual personalities, and carrying the story in general. I loved the family dynamics as well! Also, I liked how you showed the the two meeting as young kids. It really helped for the reader to get attached that way ;)

TO WORK ON

There were a few mild grammatical errors here and there, mostly with dialogue punctuation. If you want any clarification on what exactly was wrong I can comment on a few of the occurrences so you can find 'em ;P

But mostly I think all it really needs is a good old proofread, like every story does. Occasionally there would be a few sentences that seemed out of place, like they needed to be in a different paragraph. Or---such as when the MC described what she was wearing when Jake told her she was pretty back as seven-year-olds---random character descriptions that were out of place and slightly rumpled the flow of the story.

That's really all I saw. Just needs some shifting around and some more expressive vocab.

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Now to this extra bit: the prologue wasn't really a prologue. Don't get me wrong, it was a beautiful way to begin your story, but it's wrongly titled a prologue. A lot of authors actually do what you did and add a one or two page long snippet in the beginning, right before the first chapter, as a hook to draw the reader in. (Which you succeeded at! 👍)

A prologue is essentially a chapter in itself, although normally a little shorter than the other chapters. There are a lot of different ways you can incorporate a prologue into the story, but two basic rules are that the prologue must either...

1. Take place a long time before the main events of the story (think years.)

Or...

2. Be told from a perspective that is never used again. (For instance, say the prologue is the last moments of a legendary hero's life and it's told from his perspective as he faces death, knowing he has left a secret message for someone in the future to follow and fulfill the mission he couldn't. Then in the first chapter, the story picks up with the main character, who has just discovered this secret message. Something like that.)

Wow that was a little dark but you get what I'm saying 😂

Anyway, that was just a little something extra.

OVERALL VIEW

This was really well done. I wouldn't read it normally because in my opinion, the romance was a little overdone too quickly and I'm more of a slow-burn person, but I know there are a lot of people who disagree with me. It was well-written and the characters all had their own spark. Great work!