Lunar Reviews [OPEN]

7| Survive 30 Days

Title: Survive 30 Days
Author: Beecafe

PRAISE

I love the concept to this story. The whole challenging your strength, facing the unknown type of thing. You created such a unique, fascinating world with a believable history and did wonderfully at building a tense atmosphere. As far as I read, the plot seems like a book I would probably pick up in a library because I love these types of survival stories. However there are some things that need to be mentioned...

TO WORK ON

Like I said, the plot/story itself is fantastic... but the way it's told is a big stumbling block for readers. The things I noticed most were grammatical or had to do with your story voice. Run-on sentences, verb tense switches, missing words, misused words, incorrect or missing punctuation, repetitive words, etc.

I felt the action needed a little more life, which can be helped by expanding your vocabulary and using the most concise and expressive words you know. They don't need to be fancy, but they should create vivid imagery and be to-the-point.

Please don't read this and start worrying, because it's totally okay. Like I said, I love this story and I see a lot of potential.

The best thing I think you could do is, simply practice, learn more about writing, and keep moving and fiddling with this story. It's gonna take rereading and editing, but every story does. Maybe read over each paragraph and mouth it to yourself. If anything feels strange on your tongue, it's gonna feel even weirder in the reader's mind. Sometimes you won't even have to mouth it; you'll just know something's fishy. And it's okay to not know how to fix it right at that moment! Just leave a note or highlight the section to come back to later when something hits you. It's better to do that then sit in frustration for twenty minutes until you get discouraged.

OVERALL VIEW

So, that's all I can really say. Beyond all the things I mentioned that need work, I can see what you're going for, and it's honestly amazing. It's just the skills in telling the story that need work and that's perfectly normal. No one becomes a Leonardo da Vinci of their trade right of the bat. I really hope you keep writing because you're definitely going places.

Anyway, lovely work! I hopr this review was helpful. If you'd like me to be a little more specific on some things, I can always skim through your story and show you instead of just telling you. I know sometimes that helps a lot more. ♡