High Hopes || Hyungwonho

s o n g | t w e n t y f o u r

As soon as I reached the third parking level, I could see Hoseok standing in front of the elevator, typing something into his mobile phone. Probably Jooheon. 

I knew that Hoseok talked more to Jooheon than he did to me. He was probably the one knowing everything about him and I couldn't help but wonder why he even called me his best friend and not Jooheon. 

He lifted his head as he realized I arrived, but only locked eyes with me for a short second before he stared at his phone again. 

"I don't know where your car is. It's pretty full here." 

I only nodded and turned right. 

It was strange, so fucking strange to walk like this, him walking behind me not next to me. Neither was it like us to not talk at all, I hated this whole situation. 

On the other side would it be more than strange if I would just turn around and hug him out of nowhere. 

It wasn't that easy. Not for me. Not with him. 

The rolls of his suitcase scratched over the tar of the ground. Some cars drove past us, disturbing the last bit of silence we had. 

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, trying to distract me from my own thoughts. But sadly it didn't really help. 

"Hyungwon.", Hoseoks voice suddenly appeared behind me. 

"Huh?" I turned around, to see him standing a few meters behind me, silently nodding towards a red car to his left. 

"Oh.", was everything I could reply and searched for my keys in my pocket. "I'm sorry.", I quickly apologized to what he only lifted an eyebrow and opened the car. 

☁️

The ride was quiet. My fingers tipped nervously on the steering wheel and my eyes wandered next to me every minute, trying to figure out what Hoseok was thinking. 

But he only stared out of the window, not even once looking at me. 

Okay, that was too much now. What the fuck. 

"Let's turn on some music.", I said and reached out for my phone. Before I could grab it, he hit my hand slightly, causing me to wince. 

"Are you crazy? No driving and playing on your phone. My gosh how old are you that I have to tell you shit like that...", he grumbled and continued to stare out of the window. 

I gulped, eyes glued to the street in front of me. 

It kind of hurt. Him acting like that only because of a hug. It didn't feel like it did before and right now all I wanted was having one of those days where we sat in the car together, singing loudly with the radio and laughing about people who obviously shouldn't drive.

"Hyungwon!", he suddenly screamed. My feet moved on its own, stepping in the brakes causing us both to fell forward. 

"What the fuck have I done to you that you have to scream at me so suddenly??!!", I yelled loudly as I hit the steering wheel with my fist. 

No answer. Of course no fucking answer. "Could you please-", I started and turned my head to look at him. 

Hoseok had grabbed the inside of the car door, veins popping up on his forearms. He clenched his jaw tightly, eyebrows furrowed. 

He looked angry. 

"Are you fucking serious?!", he yelled back, what made me wince again. Hoseok barely yelled at me. "It's fucking red, Chae! Open your fucking eyes or don't drive at all, when you only want to kill us both! Because, yeah, my life sucks but I still would like to live it as long as I can!", his voice sounded deeper than usual. It made me feel uncomfortable, but angry at the same time. 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, okay?! I got distracted!" 

The light changed to green. It just took the cars behind us seconds to start honking like there was no tomorrow.

"What do you expe-" 

"I missed you!", my voice suddenly screamed louder than I wanted to. It wasn't even my plan to say it out loud and here I sat, screaming it right into his face, eyes focused on the steering wheel, not being able to look away. 

"What-?" 

"Nothing.", I quickly denied and shook my head. The honks are getting louder. 

"Get out.", Hoseok said. 

"Huh?!" 

He didn't reply anymore as he simply opened his car door and walked around the car. I heard someone yelling at him and saw that he only pulled out his middle finger, still angry as fuck before he opened my car door maybe a little too harshly. 

"I said get out." 

I shook my head. 

"Get out now, or I'm seriously going to drag you out of there and let you sit here!" He didn't even sound like he was joking. So I gulped again, reminding myself of a little child who stole his brothers sweets and slowly got out of the car. 

Hoseok nodded towards the passenger seat and I quickly got in there, closing the car door behind me. 

He easily started the car again (I accidentally turned it off) and drove off - maybe a little faster than he was allowed to, but he didn't care and neither did I. 

My eyes were glued to his big hand clenching around the steering wheel while he had the other  against his head, elbow leaned next to the window. He sat so comfortably behind it, like he never did something else but driving. 

It looked... nice. I wished I would look like this while driving. 

He pulled the car into the parking lot in front of my apartment and stopped it. His eyes met mine for a second, before he got out of the car and waited until I climbed out as well. 

"Your suitcase-" 

"I don't care about my damn suitcase. Open the fucking door to your apartment." 

Okay slowly I got annoyed with his bitchy attitude. 

"Caribbean air changed your patience huh.", I only grumbled but hurried to open the door. 

I felt his hands on my back as he pushed me towards my room, mumbling an "Fuck off" as Kihyun welcomed him with the words "Someones grumpy, huh." and closed the door behind us as soon as we stood in my room. 

"Okay Hoseok", I started and made my way to my wardrobe to at least get some comfy sweatpants on. "I know you're angry and I'm sorry for-" 

"How can you do this to me?", his voice suddenly mumbled right next to me which made me jump a little. 

It was only a second later as I felt his arms pulling me in a tight hug. 

I wasn't prepared for that. And neither was my heart, starting to hammer wildly against my chest. 

His fingers clenched into the material of my thin black shirt as he pulled me even closer, nose touching my neck, forehead pressing against the back of my head. 

"Hoseok, what are you-" 

"I don't care that you don't like it. And I don't care that I'm ruining your perfect imagination of being bros. I just want to stay like this."

I gulped and pressed my teeth into my bottom lip. 

"Please.", he whispered, sounding desperate and vulnerable. Okay. This was not just about the hug I rejected. This was something deeper, something what made him reach out for attention. Reach out for someone to lean on. 

And it hurt that he didn't tell me. 

"I'll make you hot chocolate.", I mumbled and slowly loosened his grip around my waist, until he let go. "Make yourself feel at home.", I hurried to add before I left him alone in my room. 

My heart couldn't take this. 

I'm sorry Wonho. For even letting you suffer in my stories. I'm seriously sorry. 

Don't you ever give up, things change.