The Missing Boy

Chapter 35 - Letting go

Axel goes home this time. His mother, Grace, greets him at the door and is shocked at his tatty appearance. When Axel sees his mother he pulls her into a hug, the one adult in his life that hasn't done any wrong to him.

"I love you Mom." He says and Grace almost want to cry at the words she has never heard her son say.

"I love you too Axel."

"And I'm so sorry but...I have to go."

"Go? Sure you can go. You just came in but if there's somewhere else you need to be then-"

"I need to go as in leave Mom. I'm leaving. I-I can't stay here anymore."

"What?" It's as if Axel can hear his mother's heart breaking. "But we only just got you back. You can't leave, not again."

Now his own heart breaking. It was a lot easier playing the scenario out in his head when he was on his way home. But as he watches his mother plead with him to stay he almost wants to say yes but he can't.

"Mom, I promise you this isn't going to be like last time. This won't be the last time I see you."

"Where are you going to stay?"

"I have a place in mind."

"And your studies?"

"We both know I'm failing Mom."

"I have so many questions." She says. "How would you cope all on your own?"

"I'll be fine. In fact, I'll be even better than fine. I'm not happy here Mom. And I don't think I ever will be if I stay."

There's war in his mother's eyes. A battle between the wants of her son and herself. To let him go or make him to stay.

"All a mother ever wants is for their child to be happy."

That's the difference between his mother and Richard and Elias. Grace always put her son before herself. The two men were always too selfish. They always considered their desires to be greater than everyone else's.

His mother's love is different. It's pure and innocent and selfless. It's abundant and overflowing. And all of it is for him.

"Please let me go Mom."

She doesn't want to. She really doesn't want to.

"Ok. Ok you can go." Axel hugs his mother tightly and let's her go for the last time.

This won't be the last time I see you. I promise.

Axel packs his bags and looks through the cardboard box labelled as Photos. He only brings one picture with him. It's a photo of him and his mom when they were both younger.

Before leaving, Axel writes a letter to his dad. A thought comes to mind while he writes and Axel wonders if he had confronted his father first, would he be the one dead right now and Elias spared. He wonders if it's fair that he's still breathing. But then he remembers the burned down lab. Should he have burned the mansion as well?

In the letter to his father, Axel addresses everything. He doesn't leave out a single detail. Axel even mentions how he was the one to set fire to the lab, how he killed Elias and how he probably would have killed Richard too had he seen him. He's happy he didn't. Killing Elias did something to Axel. It darkened his soul even though it was already black.

He talks about his mother. And how cruel his father is for hurting her.

He talks about how he's a disappointment. A vampire.

It takes a lot for you to love me.

He leaves the letter on his father's desk in his study and a burnt out cigarettes on top of it.

••••••••••

"Wow you actually knocked this time. What happened to barging through my door and ripping it off its hinges?"

"I paid for that, didn't I?"

"Yeah, yeah. What are you doing with all of those bags anyway?"

"I was hoping I could move in?"

"Move in?"

"It's a long story."

"Good thing we're vampires aye. We've got all the time in the world."

Sydney helps Axel with his bags and places them in her guest bedroom. She's more than happy to have some company with her. Days have become even more lonesome after Julian's death and sometimes, most times, she craves the comfort of others.

Axel doesn't want to be a burden, Sydney expresses that he isn't one just as long as he pays half of the rent.

"Shit has happened since the last time we met." Axel says.

"The last time we met I was about to bite Miles because I thought it would get me out of my depressive funk and Miles was an addict. Is he ok by the way? Please tell me you got him some help?"

"Yeah he got better. And what about you? Are you better?"

Sydney thinks for a while and then she nods her head, her new green braids following the movement. "Yeah, I think I am. I guess I'll always feel sad when I think about Julian, and that's just inevitable. But I won't try to bite anyone ever again so that's progress am I right?"

Axel smiles "Yes you're right."

"Now tell me." Sydney says. "What's happened besides your haircut?"

It takes a good while for Axel to explain everything and to go over things whenever Sydney would ask just so she could really understand.

"Damn. That's a lot to digest."

"Yep."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"I swear it's always the wrong people apologising. You have nothing to be sorry for Sydney. You're the one giving me a home."

"I know, I just don't know what else to say. All this business with your dad and Elijah-"

"Elias."

"Sorry. Elias." Sydney corrects herself. "Did you care about him?"

He wouldn't have cried like that if he didn't so Axel nods his head.

"That must suck."

"It does."

"He was a terrible guy though."

"The worst."

"But he loved you."

"He did."