Struck by Lightning

28. I'm Just A Ghost

Amanda awoke Friday morning with a feeling she hadn't experienced for a long time: excitement. She was so used to the hopelessness or just utter indifference that followed her around, this was a welcome change.

Usually she'd scrape her hair back after her morning swim, instead, she made an effort to dry it properly and wear it down, surprised how much it had grown as the ends grazed her hips. For the first time since she'd arrived, she wished she'd brought some make-up with her. She could do with some blush on her cheeks or concealer under her eyes to make her look less wiped out. She suddenly missed her thick black eyeliner. Freddie wouldn't recognise her. She looked and felt like a ghost.

She waited in the main common room along with the other patients and staff, anticipation building inside her like a herd of elephants thundering through her stomach. She found herself hoping that Freddie would wear a suit - treat this like a business meeting. Anything to get her pulse racing and make her feel alive.

And he didn't disappoint. Her cheeks flushed as he entered the room, wearing a dark grey jacket and a crisp white shirt. He winked at her causing the flush in her cheeks to permeate her entire body.

The duty nurse introduced him in her usual patronising tone. Amanda truly hoped Freddie wouldn't take the same approach. They may all be mentally ill but they weren't idiots. She held her breath on his behalf as he stood at the front of the room, all eyes on him.

Thankfully he was wonderful. A great public speaker anyway with his natural way of engaging the room; making you feel he was talking directly to you. He was unassuming and unintimidating but still commanded attention. She could watch him all day, regardless of what he was talking about.

He did also speak sense. He stuck to English for most of his talk, but he'd learnt a few things in Dutch which he threw in here and there. It didn't matter, everyone spoke English anyway and were captivated by him. Amanda struggled to take her eyes off him, but couldn't help the odd glance around the room to check if everyone else loved him as much as she did. Which, of course, they did. He finished by saying he would be staying and cooking dinner for everyone that evening.

Fran, a long-term resident, jumped up from her seat and started whooping and dancing around the room, pulling others up to join her. Amanda dropped her head into her hands as disappointment in her housemates washed over her. Couldn't they have just behaved normally for an hour? Some of them couldn't help it, for sure, but everyone was easily stimulated and used the environment as an excuse to behave in a way they would never dream of in the real world.

She could hear the chaos around her, but when she slowly lifted her head she could no longer see Freddie. She looked around and spotted him in the doorway. Once he'd caught her eye, he stepped back into the corridor. Amanda got up and slipped out after him when she was sure the staff were too preoccupied with everything else that was unfolding.

In the corridor, he took her hand making her stomach jolt. She squeezed it back and pulled him down the corridor at a jog. At the end, she yanked him to the left.

"This way! Quickly!" she said, leading him down the labyrinth of corridors.

When they finally arrived at her room, she pulled him inside and shut the door behind them with a thud.

"You don't know how good it is to see you," she said breathlessly, unable to draw her eyes away from him.

"Oh, I think I do," he said, pulling her into a hug.

She let his strong arms and steady heartbeat ground her as she held onto him, savouring the physical contact.

"You were amazing just now," she said "I'm sorry my housemates couldn't keep it together. We're all a bit mental here."