And I Love Him

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"We can get through this," Paul whispers soothingly, his arms wrapping around my waist and hugging me.

"We! What do yer have to get through?! My bloody aunt just died!" I snap, not meaning to seem so harsh, just feeling utterly terrible. And I feel even more so when I glance down at his hurt eyes. He was only trying to help. I scrunch up my eyes so tight they ache, trying to stop from crying. "Yer don't bloody know," I mutter bitterly, all my dark thoughts spilling out onto Paul.

"Hey," Paul growls, grabbing my chin harshly, making me meet my eyes with his. "My mother died just like yers did, everyone I meet beats me blue until I can't fuckin' breathe anymore and I have the self-esteem of a lonely rat. I've had to go through a darn lot, and I'm ready to go through this too. Because what affects yer, affects me too. That's what happens when yer love someone." He says sternly, his eyes shining in the cold air. "And I love yer, John," he whispers, tightening his grip on my waist. "I love yer so fuckin' much, that I'll do anything to help yer, no matter what." he breathes, almost so low I can't hear. His eyes glint as he looks like he's going to start tearing up, and his cheeks and nose are stained a light red from the cold. The dark, raven-like hair forms a mop around his pale face and frames his soft features neatly.

"Yer so beautiful," I mutter and my eyes start welling up. In my attempt to stop the tears, I squeeze my eyes shut so tight that I almost see stars. "How did I end up deserving someone like yer, Paul? I don't understand." I breathe shakily, slowly pulling him to my chest. "I love yer too..." I say, kissing his hair messily.

There. I said it. After all the time Paul and I had spent together, that was the first time we had said it. The first time I had said it to anyone outside my family. And boy did it feel good.

Paul felt good.

To hold. And call mine. And be his.

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