To love and to let go // Donatello x Reader

Don't Look At Me

The turtles trudged into the lair, a seemingly easy mission taking wild turns for the worst. A limp form of (y/n) in Donnie's arms, breathing ever so softly, wrapped in the tight yet gentle embrace of the tallest turtle.

Master Splinter came out of his room after hearing the clanking footsteps and jangling weaponry of his four sons, his breath catching in his throat at the sign of the tiny, fragile girl's form. While three of the brothers went to their rooms and put their weapons away, Donnie went straight to the lab, preparing for a long night in of keeping (y/n) alive.

Everything ached. You felt nothing but soreness and tenderness from top to bottom, and you just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep forever. But a noise from somewhere around you jolted you out of it, and you slowly cracked open your eyes to get a grip on your situation.

As light flooded into your vision, you squinted to get adjusted to it. But something seemed...different. Your right eye seemed more sensitive, a bit more blurry, and colors seemed paler, but you figured it would wear off in a bit. You shook it off, sitting up and turning to face the noise. It was a heart monitor, and as you sat up wires pulled at you from almost every direction. You arms had tubes sticking in them, your head had suction cups on your forehead, and the heart monitor had steady beeping coming out of it.

Turning your attention away you see a table near you, with medical supplies and a figure slouched over it. A purple mask revealed that it was Donnie, his chest gently rising and falling as his head was buried in his arms, collapsed. You smiled for a moment as you looked over him. Had he been taking care of you all night? But a throbbing pain in your chest caused you to double over and cough, waking him with a start.

He stared at you and smiled, a mix of joy and sadness. "(Y-Y/N)! You're alright!" You saw him lean forward, almost to give you a hug, but then realizing your condition he stopped himself and instead placed a green hand on your own. You immediately felt yourself turning bright red but closed your eyes in embarrassment. "There's...probably something you should know."

You raised an eyebrow and looked at him. He had a sorrowful expression on his face, and you started to worry what he might say.

"You were in pretty bad shape after Stockman's experiments on you. I did what I could to keep you alive, but it...didn't fix everything."

"...What do you mean?" Your voice shook, terrified of what happened to you. Did you have horrible disfigurements? Brain damage? A second head? Donnie started to unplug the equipment from you and reached for a mirror, but you pushed him away. "Donnie, whatever it is, I don't want to know. I just want to shower and wash everything away and forget this all happened. Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll go away eventually."

Without waiting for his response, you stand up, ignoring the aches and stinging and bolting for the bathroom. You lock the door and jump into the shower, turning on water as hot as you can stand. You feel a sharp pain coursing through your back, but you shrug it off and start scrubbing your body of fluid or dirt or whatever was leftover from when you were trapped in that horrible tube.

Afterwards, you step out and grab a towel, drying yourself and feeling the strange sensation in your eye again. Worried it may be an infection, you wipe away the steam on the mirror and try to see the problem.

What you see made you gasp, and you feel tears welling up in an instant.

Your right eye, blurry, cloudy, and pale, had turned a soft purple color. A stark contrast between your natural color, you stand in shock, not believing what you see. It isn't permanent, right? It'll go back to normal soon? You keep shaking your head, hoping every time you look back it'll be back to how you always saw it. Pretty and normal...and not ugly like this.

Not wanting to leave the bathroom, you sit down and wait for the steam to cover up the mirror again. You don't realize how long you've been in there until you hear a faint knocking on the door.

"(Y/N)?" You hear. You clamp your eyes down and utter a muffled "...go away." A brief moment, and then Donnie's voice breaks through the door.

"I know you're in shock, but listen to me. You're going to be okay, but you need to be careful not to exert yourself. The damages aren't just physical, you have some sustained immune deficiency and fatigue, so you need to watch yourself." You stay silent, not wanting to face him. "At the very least come out of the steamy room, it's not good for you."

You hesitate, and then pull on your clothes and step outside, only to be face to face with the tall turtle. You shut your eyes and look away, pushing past him to rush to his room, but you hear his footsteps behind you.

"Please, wait." You keep walking. "(Y/N)..." You don't stop, and tears well up again in your eyes, and you wipe them away furiously. "(Y/N) Listen to me-"

"No, Donnie." You shout, unable to contain yourself. "I don't want to listen to you. I thought this would be a dream come true, to come here in my favorite universe, spending time with my favorite people in the whole world that I wanted to meet with all my heart. But now I'm here, and I get left behind, tortured, disfigured, wrecked, and for what?" You stop, your fists balling in pain and anger. "There's nothing you can do to make this better. I just want to be left alone."

He was quiet, and then you felt tall hands wrap around you in a tight embrace from behind. In a moment, your heart flooded with pure happiness and everything was right with the world. But that moment passed, and you felt nothing but searing pain up and down your back, and you ripped away from him with a yell.

He had a sorrowful expression on his face, looking at you, almost as if he was about to cry himself. "I'm so sorry (Y/N)..." You book it back to the bathroom, locking the door again and ripping off your shirt, twisting around to look in the mirror. Another moment of shock, and you almost immediately burst into tears.

Splintering across your back are scars almost like the branches of a tree, residual of a lightning strike. They stretch from a point in the center of your spine, and they sting furiously when you touch them, red and newly formed.

In a blind mix of fury and sadness, you throw on your shirt again and burst through the door, pushing past Donnie's yelling and bolting full speed towards his room.

"(Y/N)!" You hear Donnie cry again, pain in his voice.

"Donnie, stop it!" You scream, so full of pain you don't care anymore. "I wish I never came here! I want to be back home, I want none of this to have ever happened! I wish I never met you in the first place, and you stayed in that stupid TV where you belonged!"

And with that, you slam the door, ignoring Donnie's pleading cries behind you. You jump into bed, not holding back your choking sobs, and pray that you can cry yourself to sleep and wake up in your own house.