The Stowaway

II

"No, no! The adventures first, explanations take such a dreadful time." Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass

----

II.

Once an evening meal had been eaten, Rachel and Lizzie put to bed in the nursery, and Mr and Mrs Banes had retired, Katy had crept into Eliza's bedroom.

It seemed like it had been an age since they had been huddled together thus, and it only made Eliza's heart ache for that company.

Katy climbed into Eliza's bed and sat beside her underneath the duvet.

"I have missed you," Katy said quietly.

"I have missed you more," Eliza murmured in reply. Eliza then decided she did not want to be melancholy. "But you have most definitely have not missed me, what with your charming husband and adorable children."

But Katy knew her better than that. She looked down at Eliza with a disapproving gaze. Katy sometimes scolded her worse than her own mother, and it honestly meant more coming from her sometimes.

"Eliza, I worry about you," she whispered.

"Whatever for?"

Katy cocked an eyebrow. "I know you. You are not content."

What a way to phrase it. Content. Certainly not. What did that even mean? She supposed that word applied to Katy. One was happy in their own situation, without aspiring to something else. One had no desire for something else, as their own reality was better than their dreams.

Eliza's dreams were far richer than her reality.

"What am I supposed to do?" Eliza posed the question. "Marry? Produce heirs like I am a dog having litter after litter?"

"No, I know that would not make you happy," replied Katy. "But what will? What can I do to help you? Might ... might you come and stay with me? Would that help? A change in scenery? I know for certain the girls would adore having you around."

Eliza loved Katy deeply for her efforts. "And what will that do?" she pondered. "Miraculously make me ready for my wifely duties?"

"It is not so bad, you know," muttered Katy.

Eliza bit her tongue. "No, that is not what I meant," she retracted. How had she managed to offend the one person who was always on her side. "Katy," she said, rolling onto her side to face her sister, "you know how happy I am for you. You know how glad I am that you have everything that you deserve."

"I know," said Katy, nodding. "So, what do you want? What do you deserve?"

Eliza took a deep breath and spied her bookcase out of the corner of her eye. The only time she remotely felt as though she had a life was when her nose was inside the pages. "What do I want?" she repeated. "I want to get lost!" she cried. "I want to get lost and it be alright. Follow a map, follow the stars! Travel to dangerous, exotic places and meet with dangerous and exotic people. I want to taste new foods and experience new cultures and learn a language that is not dead. What use have I for Latin?" she exclaimed. "I want a tragic, passionate romance with a man who is dangerous and entirely wrong for me. I want to get my heart broken and feel love keenly before I resign myself to ..." she stopped herself and looked at Katy, who did not seem at all surprised.

"Resign yourself to my life?" she guessed, finishing Eliza's sentence.

Eliza pursed her lips but nodded in truth. It wasn't that she didn't want to get married, or even have children one day. It was simply that she felt as though she would have lived half a life if she did not do something soon.