The Stowaway

XXXVIII

"I sustain myself with the love of family." Maya Angelou

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XXXVIII.

It took Eliza several moments to full comprehend that these permanent etchings upon Tom's skin were in honour of her. He had acquired them, had them drawn upon his person, at a time when it seemed as though there would be no hope.

Wave after wave of overwhelming emotion began to consume Eliza, filling her with every thought of heartbreak and despair that she had experienced over the last six months. She all but fell off of her stool and collapsed on the stone kitchen floor in a fit of sobs.

Tom was quickly beside her, wrapping his long arms around her, and hugging her to his chest. Eliza found her head resting upon the swallows. Her swallows.

Despite everything, the feeling of being held by Tom once more was irresistibly comforting.

"There was no escaping you. No amount of distance, not an ocean between us, could take you from my thoughts. And because you were not with me, I reverted to the man I was before I met you. I was cold, and short tempered, and unfeeling. I don't like that man, Eliza." She felt him shake his head in regret. "I couldn't, in good conscience, come to you, the same man that I was before," he uttered quietly, his hands soothingly rubbing her back. "No matter how I wanted to," he added.

Lifting her head, Eliza whispered, "But I loved the man you were."

She felt his demeanour soften. "I only became the sort of man a woman like you could love because of you," he reminded her. "You couldn't love who I was before you, and I wouldn't want you to. I didn't like myself." He shuddered with the confession, and she saw the ghosts in his eyes. "I didn't believe I was worthy of ... anything really. I might have had plans and ideas, but I never would have thought myself capable of such ambition were it not for you."

"And my father's money has made this possible?" Eliza thought aloud. She did not mean to sound bitter, as it had been her idea in the first place to seek out her father's help, but were it not for his stupidmale pride ...

"You father's money is facilitating my ambition, yes," Tom agreed, "but it was you who made this possible. Eliza, don't you see? I thought nothing of myself before you. I was a boy whose own mother could not even love him enough, and that was the worth that I had accepted. But you stormed into my life in a blaze of fire and passion and spirit and you made me feel like I was worth your time."

His voice was so impassioned, and he held her impossibly close.

"I am sorry for causing you any pain, and I feel the keenest guilt and regret for every tear that you have shed because my actions," he said intensely, but sincerely. "But I now know, because of leaving, I have learned just how irreplaceable you are to me. You are my happiness, Eliza. Everything you are is light, and I cannot live without it. I like the person that I am when I am with you, and you make me want to be the very best version of myself for you."

Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I lost something the day my mother left me, but I found something more the day you stormed into my life. I ask, nay I beg, for your forgiveness. I beg that you can find in your huge heart to find forgiveness for me."

Eliza lifted her index finger and traced the swallows on Tom's chest slowly. She felt him shudder beneath her touch. She soon did the same thing to the nautical star on his shoulder, paying close attention to the 'E' tattooed above it.

"These are permanent, are they not?" she wondered softly.

"Yes, they are," he murmured.

"So, if you leave again, you will look very stupid," Eliza decided. "Unless, that is, you marry a different woman with the same first initial as me."