To Zion

10

"Zion, can I talk to you?"

I turned to see who was talking to me, and smiled when I saw Miller. It was the start of lunch, and I was just about to enter the cafeteria.

"Of course." I almost kept walking into the lunch room, but Miller stopped me.

"Privately."

I hesitated, thinking of the lunch I was probably going to miss, but Miller's eyes pleaded with me to take this seriously. I nodded, and let them lead me to a quieter hallway.

"This really has nothing to do with you, and I don't want to bother you. I...I probably shouldn't even put this on you, and I wouldn't if I could talk to anyone else."

"Miller, it's alright. You can tell me. But first, what are your pronouns?"

Miller looked at me in surprise, a faint smile forming despite whatever was worrying them.

"They, them. You know, you're the only person who asks me that, and it always takes me by surprise."

"Not even Laurie?" I frowned. Laurie seemed like he would care.

"Oh...Laurie asks when he's not too high."

"What about your family?"

"Well, my mom hates me. I'm not being dramatic, I swear." Something in my face must have shown my doubt, and Miller was quick to defend his statement.

"Actually, that's mostly what I wanted to talk to you about. I live with my mom and my grandma. I missed a week of school not that long ago."

"Yeah, I remember that. And I asked you how you were doing after that. Is what happened during that week what you want to tell me about?"

Miller's eyes filled with doubt, and they looked anywhere but in my eyes.

"Yes." They whispered so quietly that I almost couldn't hear.

"Ok. Whenever you are ready." I tried to reassure them, but my mind was racing with all the possible things that could have happened, and the reasons as to why they were talking to me about it.

"First I'll tell you about my mom." Miller paused, looking down at their agitated hands. "She turned thirty a few months ago."

It took me a moment to understand what they were trying to say. Miller was sixteen.

"Is that why she hates you?" I found myself almost whispering too, and when Miller's eyes met mine, they were filled with tears.

"It wasn't just an accidental teen pregnancy. I'm a child of rape, Zion. I shouldn't even be here, but my mom didn't have the heart to kill an unborn child. She didn't have the heart to put me up for adoption either. And she didn't have the heart to love me despite what that bastard did to her.

I've spent every day of my life answering for his cruelty. My mom doesn't have anyone else to take it out on. She has no idea who my father is. And my grandma despises me, constantly reminding me that I look nothing like them.

I'm not asking to be pitied. I'm not telling you this just so I can have someone to cry to, or something. Zion, I need help. I—I..." Miller swallowed back a sob, and met my eyes, speaking when their voice came back.

"Two weeks ago, I tried to kill myself. Pathetic, I know. Especially when all I've dealt with is neglect. My mom didn't take it seriously. They think I'm doing it for attention. Zion, I'm not. I mean, of course I want my mother's attention, but not for that. And, Zion, I'm...I'm so scared."

"Of what?" I whispered, and Miller's face fell, eyes looking down at their shoes.

"Miller, of what?" I found myself lifting their chin, gently forcing their eyes to meet mine.

"Of trying it again, and succeeding this time."

I felt my hand slide from their face. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, or say, or why on earth they were talking to me about this. Who was I?

"I know. I'm sorry." Miller took in my troubled face, probably assuming that I was disgusted.

"No! No, don't be sorry. I just..I'm not sure what to say." Honesty, I thought, had to be the best policy. "I don't know...how can I help, Miller?"

They looked unsure for a few seconds, and I placed my hand on their shoulder as gently as I could.

"I'll help you in whatever way I can. I'm here for you, Miller."

Two tears slipped past Miller's closed eyes, and when they opened them, the only thing I saw there was gratitude. It hurt to know that no one else has probably ever told Miller that in their life.

"I just thought...remember when you met my mom for a minute last year?"

I thought back to the time, remembering a tired looking woman, with blue eyes who came to pick Miller up from school.

"Yeah, kind of."

"Well, she would remember you. She thought you were amazing and so polite and kept asking me why I couldn't be like you." I opened my mouth to reply, but Miller kept going. "I thought maybe if you talked to her...told her how bad of a place I was in...maybe she'd take it seriously."

The look in their eyes right then broke my heart. I could see the child crying out for their mother to love them. The broken human being trying to figure themselves out in a cold world that they believed they shouldn't even be in. I'd never been able to read Miller so clearly.

"I...I can try. I don't know what that will do. But Miller, even if she doesn't take this seriously, I do. And there's the school counselor if she won't get someone to help you. It's not just you anymore."

Miller took a shaky breath in, and I could tell they were holding themselves back from breaking down right then and there.

"Zion...I don't know how to thank you, and I'm so sorry I'm—"

"Stop being sorry, please. That's how you can thank me. Besides, I haven't done anything for you."

"Oh, but you have. Your words..." They but the inside of their cheek, blinking back the tears that kept trying to break free. "Thank you."

And before I could say anything else, Miller leaned forward, kissing my cheek hurriedly. They were gone before I had time to react.

Kind of a short, sad chapter, but it's not just a filler. Hopefully I'll have a longer chapter up soon.