To Zion

25

Miller's hand was running through my hair, their soft voice whispering something I couldn't quite make out. It took me a second to realize exactly where I was, and why Miller was with me. And then I realized that I was crying, and Miller was trying their best to comfort me.

"I'm sorry." My voice felt hoarse, and I wondered just how long my dream had lasted, and how long I had been crying for.

"No, don't be sorry, dear." They pulled me closer, and I buried my face in their neck.

I breathed in deeply, trying to calm my breathing and my tears. Miller's arms felt comforting around me, and I focused on the way their chest rose and fell beneath me, and how their fingers rubbed circles on my back and neck. Even after my tears subsided, I didn't want to pull away from them.

"You barely slept. It's only been, like, an hour, I think." Miller mused, their fingers playing with the hair at the base of my neck.

I sighed, pulling my hands up to my chest, but still keeping my face hidden in Miller's neck.

"I'm still so tired."

"Then go to sleep. I was expecting you to be out for hours, so I don't mind."

"I...I can't." I pulled the fabric of their shirt between my fingers, trying to find a distraction from my mind, and trying to find a way to be closer to them.

"Ohh...was it a nightmare?"

I nodded, blinking back a fresh wave of tears.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." I whispered, clinging on to their shirt with both hands now in an attempt to pull myself together.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm not gonna make you talk about anything." They let out a breathy laugh, and I felt myself relax slightly. "Do you mind if we move a little? You're kinda ticking my neck."

"Oh, I'm sorry." I apologized quickly, jerking my head away from them, as they let out a breathy laugh. It was one of the cutest sounds I had ever heard, and, in the late evening light that filtered through the drawn curtains, Miller looked beautiful.

"That's okay. Let me just..." They moved so that they were laying on their back, then motioned for me to follow. I laid down on my side next to them, curling up against their side and laying my head on their chest. I was still too shaken from the after affects of my panic attack and my nightmare to think about just how comfortable I was being with them.

"Is this better?" I asked, looking up at them.

"Yeah. Much better." They adjusted the
blankets around me, bringing them up to just under my chin.

Neither of us spoke for a while. I kept my eyes closed, listening to the quiet exhales of breath that reassured me that Miller was right next to me. That, and their steady heartbeat, made me feel something that I'd never felt after having a nightmare. Or maybe never felt at all in my life. I felt like I could actually fall asleep with no fear of what might await me in my dreams. It was the calm after the storm, that I had never experienced in my life of perpetual storms. This feeling was the respite that all travelers longed for on their journey through life, but often ever found. It was peace.

"Thank you." I whispered into their chest, but a million 'thank you's' would never be payment enough for the feeling they had given me. A feeling I'd searched for since I'd been taken away from my home, and even before that.

"Don't thank me. You'd have done the same for me." I could hear the smile in their voice without even looking up at them.

"I'm sorry."

Miller sighed. "You don't need to apologize for any of this. I know what a panic attack is like, and if you're apologizing for crying, I'll—"

"No, I'm sorry for hurting you." I sat up so that I could look at them while I talked.

"Zion..." They moved so that they were leaning against the headboard, their eyes not quite meeting mine.

"I didn't even give you a chance because I was so caught up with the whole 'secret admirer' things, and if it hadn't been for that, I know I would've tried things with you."

"Well, you didn't, and it wasn't your fault that you hurt me. You told me about your confusion, and that was only fair."

"But then I found out thau you actually wrote the letters."

Miller let out a frustrated breath. "No, I didn't. I wrote down some stupid feelings, and Laurie and Cooper made them into letters. I didn't think of the airplanes. I didn't think of trying to secretly tell you that I liked you. I'm not that creative, or special."

"Damn those stupid letters! I don't care about the letters anymore. When I read them, I'll admit, I was flattered, and as time progresses, I thought that I was falling for whoever that person was, but I...I like you, Miller."

"You like everyone." They muttered ruefully, moving their legs beneath the covers.

"Not like this. I've never felt like this before. Miller, at first...at first, when I thought about you, it was only in the terms of if you were the admirer or not, and when you said you didn't write those letters, I forced my mind to forget that I actually cared for you as a person. That kissing you was incredible. That you were soft, and gentle, and yet so incredibly strong. I forgot all of that because I wanted to imagine that this fake person was somehow better than all of that."

Miller started to speak, but I kept talking, moving to sit on my knees beside them.

"I was so caught up in something that wasn't real, that I lost sight of the real life treasure I had right in front of my eyes. Maybe it's too late, because I've already told you no, but I was wrong. I do have feelings for you. Laying here i your arms tonight, I felt something I don't even know how to explain. You calmed fears that I've never been able to conquer on my own. I feel...I feel like I belong with you."

Miller was staring at me with wide eyes, their lips parted slightly, and cheeks tinged a faint pink.

"Please say it's not too late."

"Zion..." They blinked in surprise, sitting up slightly so that we were only a few inches apart. "You really like me?"

"Yes, I like you a lot more than I know how to say."

They smiled slightly, ducking their head so I couldn't see their eyes. "I must be dreaming." They whispered, looking down at my hands that rested on my knees.

"I don't have a whole speech or anything..." They trailed off, tilting their head up to look at me fully.

"I don't need a speech. I just want to know if I have a chance."

And that's when Miller couldn't hold back the smile that had been tugging at the corners of their mouth since I stared talking. Their cheeks were rosier than before, their eyes bright as they met mine.

"Do you even have to ask? You're the only person I've ever liked, Zion. It will never be too late you for."

"You mean that?"

They nodded quickly, and I felt like my heart was going to overflow with happiness at the simple gesture.

"Then I can kiss you?"

"I mean, only if you really want to."

I didn't hesitate a moment after they spoke, closing the distance between us, and connecting our lips with an urgency that was quickly reciprocated by Miller. Their arms pulled me closer, and soon they were leaning back against the headboard again, my hands on either side of their face, as we both sought to regain our breath.

"I didn't like something you said earlier." I told them. They blinked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"What?"

"You said that you weren't special."

"Well, I'm no—"

I cut them off with a kiss, touching our forehead together when I pulled away.

"Miller." I waited until their eyes met mine, touching our noses together briefly before speaking again. "I've never met anyone as special as you."