Sometimes, I am just weirded out of myself.
I love how I stuck in the traffic.
I love how I stay late at night.
I love how I walk to my classes.
I love mornings.
I love brocolli.
I love everything I did with Juan.
Small things matter when he's around. And I know I'm smitten. He's a cool hooman. My Super Juan, who could make me feel special and loved. For the past few days he stayed by my side, despite his busy schedule due to the practices and games. He still has the energy to call, chat, and FaceTime me. He was there to cheer me up. He was always around when my parents are nowhere to be found. (Cleo that little snitch.) He won't ask me about my parents' situation, but I know he's just waiting and I could feel his worries and comfort.
But he's very hard-headed. Kadalasan ay naaaway ko sya kapag nagchachat sya after a long and tiring day. I want him to rest, but he would always insist to call me. He told me once that I am his medicine. (Hindi pa kami mag-on sa lagay na yan.) Ayoko man at mas gusto ko syang magpahinga, I'd still answer his calls. I want to bring back the effort he gave me. The attention and patience. Na kahit nagtatampo ako, hindi sya napapagod mag-sorry. I'm a sinner! Nakokonsensya ako. He's such a sweet boy.
Nakatagilid akong naupo habang tinitingnan si Juan na nagdadrive. His eyes were fixed on the traffic. Ahh... I really love when we stuck in a jammed traffic. That means, more time with him.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked me, eyes still fixed on the traffic
"What look?" I inquired. He turned his head on me smiling.
"That." He smirked. "You look so happy."
"I am happy." I interjected with a high-pitched voice. God, I am so thrilled.
"Wait, till we get on our real date."
"Huh? 'Di pa ba yong kanina?"
"Nope." He shook his head like a child. "We were with my fam, that's a different case."
I justed mouthed an 'oh'. I stopped from talking and asking him dahil baka kung saan pa mapunta ang usapan namin.
My mind flew on some annoyingly playful to lewd scenarios! Damn!
"Are you okay?" Napapitlag ako ng magtanong sya. Wait! Did he noticed it?
"Ha? Ahh... Oo naman." I tried to act normal.
"I don't know. You just winced. May masakit ba?" Mula sa manibela, his right hand found my arm. "You look not okay. Are you sure you're fine?"
Pagak akong tumawa sa kanya.
"Oo naman... Ano ba yan?! Ang traffic. Bagal umusad." Pag-iiba ko sa usapan. Tumawa lang naman sya ng mahina at di na rin nagsalita.
Pinikit ko nalang ang mata ko at taimtim na pinagalitan ang sarili.
Ang bastos talaga. Babawas-bawasan ko na pagsasama kay Cleo. Mga nalalaman kasi nun nakakaberde talaga ng utak.
But, I always trust Juan.
And he respect me.
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"Oh my God!" I scream from the top of my lungs once we reached the top. There's something inside me broke. Na para bang imbes na masaya lang, bigla akong nakaramdam ng halu-halonvmg emosyon.
This is so amazing! I almost teared up when I saw the breathtaking view from this part. I swallowed a lump in my throat. I opened my arms and spin around. Feeling the cold breeze. It was saddening. And I know why...
I smile take over my bitter feelings when I remembered the person who brought me here.
Hindi ako mapaniwala na maiisip ito ni Juan. I wasn't expecting! I wiped the unshed tears as I turn around gazing at the beautiful scene.
The city lights dazzled, just how the stars twinkled on the night sky. And God, oh my God. The moon!
Napatakip ako sa bibig habang namamanghang nakatingala sa bilog at maliwanag na buwan. This is so beyond my imagination! I always loved the moon.
Gusto-gusto ko panuorin ang full moon noon pa man, lalo na kapag nasa ganito ka kataas na building. Nasa rooftop kami ng 100th floor building, and I feel like the shining moon can easily devour me. Oh how I wish!
"Did you like it?" I turned to see Juan's smug face.
His eyes were outrageously beautiful. Pagpapipiliin ako, kung dazzling city lights or twinkling stars, I'd pick those eyes sparkling with adoration.
"I loved it!" I shrieked. "This is so beautiful! Thank you! Thank you!" My voice cracked and I was crying.
Sorry, I just can't take it. Naghalo-halo ang pakiramdam ko na para bang sasabog na ako. I just need to control it.
Next thing, I found. I was hugging him.
I felt his warm hands pulled my wrist making me bumped to his more warm and hard chest. His brows furrowed as he bring me into a tight hug.
"You crazy. Why are you crying?" He asked me in his husky and sexy voice. I sobbed. Ano ka Amanda? PMS? Ang OA nito.
"Tears of joy." Natatawa kong sagot sa kabila ng pag breakdown.
"Lying isn't good for you. You are precious to me, Mandy. Remember that." Inilayo nya ako, habang hinahanap ang tingin ko. "Looking at you makes me feel bad. I can't even make you feel happy when you feel lonely." Di ko alam kung saan ito papunta, but I could give myself a reward for staying strong and not breaking our eye contact.
His warm and calloused thum brushed my moist cheek.
"Please, stop. Stop lying. Stop making yourself believe that your happy. Coz you're not. I'm here. I'm always been here. Trust me. I won't leave you even you cry or scream all your heart's content. I promise." His words were heartwarming, kaya ng bumuhos ang maraming luha ay di ko na pinigilan. Muli nya akong niyakap habang hinaplos ang kahabaan ng buhok ko.
His right I am lonely.
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Huehue 11 o'clock last night I'm still doing this.
Tapos, I didn't know how I end up like this.
Gosh! Wattapen!
