needy ; jack gilinsky

9

amara rahman

some days moved slower than others, where the nighttime seemed like centuries away as you realize how leisurely the day passes. today was one of those days.

art and drawing: one of the electives i'd dreaded the most. however, it wasn't too bad once i'd started to take the class. i shared the class with sammy, who'd normally sat on the other side of the room. today, he sat behind me.

the girl at my table was a sophomore. she was somewhat mellow, but i could tell she'd been a little perked up with the presence of sam. i'd never understood the hierarchy here.

i decided to mind my business as i finished an individual project during the period, while my partner had shared conversation with her friend, who'd been sitting in front of us. "why are people already talking about winter formal? homecoming wasn't even a week ago."

"because some of us have nothing better to look forward to, grace." her friend shrugs. "so, who are you thinking?"

"to ask?" grace murmurs. "probably nobody. all of the guys i like are taken."

i could practically feel her friend's eyes on me, "not jack gilinsky—" grace shuts her up with a hush, and the two girls bicker quietly as if i wasn't right beside them.

"lauren, shut up."

"i forgot she was sitting there!"

as if that situation hadn't suffocated me enough, i'd felt sam breathing at the back of my neck. why is he even sitting here?

i let out a long breath when the bell had finally rang, leaning over to fill my backpack. "amara?"

i glance over at grace, who'd been frowning at me. "yeah?"

"i'm really sorry." she says. "my friend is an idiot."

"it's fine, grace." i mumble in response, standing from my seat. "see you later."

i didn't have the energy to confront her, nor did i have the balls to do so. confrontation fucking sucked, and i wasn't about to yell at some girl who drools over jack.

i was more than nervous for photography, and even debated on skipping and accepting the lecture from my parents when i got home. but i couldn't ignore him for long, and i knew he'd been thinking the same.

i felt a sense of relief when i'd walked into class, and his presence was nowhere to be seen. day two of not coming to class.

johnson reads my mind as i approach our table, "he actually had a doctor's appointment today. not sure if the timing was coincidental, though."

"of course not." i say, though i wasn't complaining. i still hadn't figured out how it was going to be, at least from my perspective. it was scary to realize that i had no idea what he'd been thinking, or how he wanted to handle things.

the two of us head out to brainstorm for our project after getting the 'don't leave campus' lecture. we go for the baseball field, where johnson had claimed had been a 'great spot'.

"how was the shift yesterday?" he inquires as we make our way to our destination.

my lips settle into a line, and i move a piece of hair out of my face due to the crazy wind. "it was fine until the devil and her dog paid me a visit."

his eyebrows furrow, and he meets my eyes. "what?"

"meredith and sam, of course."

"what did they say?" he asks, and i observe how he'd suddenly tensed. my heart sunk, and i attempted to not jump to conclusions. what does he know?

"um," i search for the right words. "just taunting me, and shit. said some things, i didn't really think much about it."

"that's good." he replies. "never believe the shit she says. she's full of it."

"i know." i say, keeping my eyes on him as he sets up the equipment. "you know that party you had in the summer?"

he hums in response, "yeah?"

"where'd jack go afterwards? like, when i went home."

he hesitates, and the both of us put a halt to our set-up as he stands. "what'd she tell you?"

"nothing. it just came to mind." i answer casually.

"a little random, amara. just tell me what she said."

"tell me where he went."

he opens his mouth, then closes. "he stayed the night."

i look down, feeling my heart race. he'd been lying to me to my face. because even if jack hadn't gotten intimate with meredith, she still had the picture. that fucking picture.

"i thought we were friends, johnson."

he frowns, "you kidding? of course we are."

i don't respond, and instead continue to assemble. i grab the camera, setting the appropriate modes and testing them out a few times before capturing several shots. johnson lingered beside me, and we shared awkward silence for the rest of the period.

as we begin to walk back, he speaks up. "meredith had an afterparty, sam dragged us there. jack came home with me two hours later, though."

i remain quiet, and he sighs. "there was already a lot going on between you two, and he didn't want to complicate it, amara. there was nothing more to her party, besides the drugs. i watched him."

"okay." i answer calmly, pushing the class door open and walking ahead of him. "thanks for telling me."

his frown only deepens at my monotonous voice, "don't be mad, please."

"i'm not mad." i say, avoiding eye contact as i head to the next period.

talking to johnson only tangled the knot in my stomach further, and i knew i was due for a small cry in the nearest bathroom.

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