needy ; jack gilinsky

13

jack gilinsky

as much as i wanted to live within my mind today, it was nearly impossible.

i'd missed the first two periods of school getting ready at my house after walking home. despite the inconvenience and my headache, i couldn't find it in myself to feel annoyed at amara. instead, i accepted it and told myself i deserved it.

"you all know what you need to be working on, so i'll leave you to it." our photography teacher says, before sitting down in her chair and shoving herself behind her computer screen once again. i found myself feeling envious of her ability to cut just off from human interaction like that, meanwhile i had to face the most awkward one in my life.

glancing away from my teacher, i meet amara's eyes when she hadn't been looking, feeling her crimson shaded orbs absorb my own.

"uh, we can get a shot of the trees over there." johnson suggests, the three of us looking over at the mini forest full of orange leaves.

i shove my hands into the pockets of my sweatpants, walking alongside johnson as amara decided to lead the way. "bro, this is so fucking awkward." johnson mutters.

"i know." i say, watching her stroll ahead of us, her long hair brushed into a loose ponytail, moving with the wind.

sleeping in her bed then pretending like we were strangers at school was somehow a step up considering the conditions before. nevertheless, it still pained me.

i wanted to give her a hug, not worry if she'd come to the game tonight. i didn't want to feel nervous when asking her to wear my jersey. i didn't want to feel like this.

she'd immediately given johnson the cold shoulder the second he'd told her about meredith's party as well, and an odd part of me was glad he could somehow understand my pain, even if it was nowhere the same.

we'd taken turns shooting pictures from different angles, minimal conversation between any of us as we count down the seconds to the bell.

before amara could start fast walking inside, i manage to catch up to her, lingering around her presence. she'd stayed quiet though, all the way until we reached inside.

+

"i've got to work overtime tonight," my mom begins, and i'd known what was coming. "but raf will be at the game to make sure you come home right afterwards. no parties this time, jack."

though i had no intentions of going to a party tonight, her command had aggravated me. "then don't bother sending him. amara wants to talk afterwards."

"she can wait." she decides. "you'll give me your car keys when you come home, too."

"she just wants to talk, mom."

"and i've been wanting to talk to you for days now, jack." she says. "you haven't made time, and now it's time for me to step in. i want you home afterwards."

i fight my urge to snap back, concealing it within myself. i hum in response, "you hear me?"

"yes." i mutter.

"good. good luck at your game."

i lower the phone from my ear, tossing it into my locker and letting out a sigh. nate appears beside me, "what's up?"

"i'm dying." i tell him dryly. "i don't think i'm gonna go to that thing tomorrow, either. sorry."

we'd been planning a day as a group where we'd go downtown, play some basketball, and generally just spend the day together. nate had originally decided to call it so that we could all 'cool things off'. i'd agreed that we needed it, but i also knew i wasn't in the right headspace to leave my house for the next few days.