to fill our portfolio in | k.sj & k.th [complete]

eleven

Seokjin rests his back against the doorway. His eyes glistens with pride, lips curving a soft smile. Yoongi diverts his eyes from the man across him, eyeing Seokjin with gummy smile. He waves his hand to Seokjin before getting his attention back to the radio host. It’s comforting to see how much Yoongi is excited over something he loves. Like it used to. At least Yoongi is doing well.
 
Because he doesn’t. Jungkook is no better. It’s so hard to keep his emotion in check, to spend his time with Yoongi everyday without breaking down, to see Jungkook’s sad eyes whenever he’s home. But Seokjin knows he can’t manage to have everything he wants. Yoongi has it now, and Jungkook will accept it someday, so Seokjin shallows down every selfishness he had. Yoongi’s mom was never been happier, Seokjin is so grateful for this. Taehyung’s face still haunts him, but it’s okay, time will help him get over it.
 
He turns around to get back to his seat in guest room. He looks up to see so many picture frames hanging in the wall, some of them Seokjin recognizes as singer and boy group. He wonders when will Yoongi’s picture will be there. He leans backward to the sofa and tucks out his phone. He opens Instagram, an application he just installed days ago.
 
He can’t meet Taehyung. But he’s still important for Seokjin. It’s enough to remind himself to check Taehyung’s account everyday just to make sure the younger is okay. Taehyung just uploaded new photo today. it’s him posing with someone with an event banner at the back. Seokjin smiles. Taehyung is doing well. He looks healthy, handsome and professional. It helps him deal with his guilt.
 
Seokjin doesn’t stop. He scrolls down and stops as he finds a picture of him smiling wide with a cup of tea in hand. It’s not clear since it’s backlight picture, but Seokjin knows it’s him. A cup of tea from Tae, the caption says. He braves himself to open the comment section. Is this your new boyfriend? He’s so handsome! You deserve to be happy! I’m so happy for you is what the top comment written. Some of them indeed left a comment asking about their relationship in his blog.
 
He thinks for awhile before typing Taehyung’s name on naver search. The top article is about Jung Ha Joon’s death on Christmas Day last year. Jung?
 
“His complete name is Jung Hoseok.” Seokjin remembers Taehyung once told him. He smiles sadly. So that’s why he’s close to Hoseok. Perhaps his ex-boyfriend is Hoseok’s relative.
 
Seokjin reads further. It says Jung Ha Joon is a doctor, working in one of hospital in Ilsan. He was supposed to meet Taehyung on Christmas Night, but he had car incident before reaching the restaurant he was heading. Kim Taehyung is one of biggest photography influencer in South Korea who doesn’t hide the fact that he dated a man, the article says.
 
“I have appointment after this, sorry for disappointing you.” Taehyung said at that night.
 
It aches Seokjin’s heart. It’s all clear now. How Taehyung didn’t call him for days, how he invited Seokjin for strawberry party on his birthday, how he looked so gloomy and broken. And now he does the same to Tahyung, Seokjin comes to an epiphany.
 
Taehyung might be broken twice. Seokjin slips his phone into his pocket. He buries his face to his forearm, sighing deeply to prevent any sound coming from his mouth. He can’t cry here. Not when Yoongi and Namjoon is few meters away.
 
He can message Taehyung. Yoongi and Jungkook will not know about this. But then what? What can he say? He doesn’t need to promise Taehyung something he can’t keep. He already broke it once. Taehyung most likely now hates him too, right?
 
“Hyung?”
 
Seokjin looks up and sees Yoongi is walking towards him with Namjoon tails behind him. “You look so tired. I’m sorry, Hyung.” Yoongi murmurs as he sits beside the older.
 
“That’s okay.” Seokjin straightens his back, smiling to Yoongi.
 
“They asked about you. When will you agree to do an interview with us?” Yoongi asks, taking Seokjin’s hand to his.
 
Namjoon takes a bottle of mineral water from the table and sits next to Yoongi, eyeing Seokjin for a second before emptying the bottle.
 
“I’m not a producer, Yoongi-ah.” Seokjin laughs. “They won’t find me interesting.” He squeezes Yoongi’s hand.
 
Yoongi clicks his tongue. “Can I sleep over?” He rests his head to Seokjin’s upper arm and sighs. It feels comforting and nice. Seokjin always feels like home and smells like everything he needs. He doesn’t need something else, he can even throw all he has now just to be with Seokjin.
 
“Of course. Kookie will be happy.” Seokjin admits. “Play game with him.”
 
Yoongi huffs. “Are you making fun of me? That brat is happy playing with me because he knows damn well I can’t play shit.”
 
Seokjin snickers. “Let’s go home and see what will happen, then.”
 
*
 
He ensures there’s no typo in his recent blog post one more time and clicks the ‘publish’ button. He smiles, stretching out his sore arms. He closes his eyes, inhaling familiar scent of his childhood bedroom.
 
“Jinnie.” Jungkook climbs onto the bed, curling up to his side. “Eomoni asked me to get you out. Let’s have dinner.”
 
Seokjin opens his eyes, turning to find Jungkook staring at his laptop. He brushes the fluffy bang out of Jungkook’s forehead, cackling as the younger yanks his hand away and pouts. He’s always annoyed if Seokjin did that.
 
“Did you help Eomma?” Seokjin asks, closing his laptop and tosses it aside.
 
“Of course.” Jungkook says proudfully.
 
“Good. Let’s go.” Seokjin stops as Jungkook wraps his palm around his wrist.
 
Jungkook looks at him cautiously. “You don’t need to meet Eomoni tomorrow.”
 
Seokjin laughs dismissively. “Kooꟷ you know I love her.”
 
“But I know you’re nervous over this.” Jungkook frowns. “Make an excuse, I will talk to Yoongi hyung.”
 
Seokjin inhales. “I’m fine, I promise.” He pinches the tip of Jungkook’s nose. “And weren’t you the one that asked Yoongi to take holiday and going home?”
 
There’s flash akin to remorse in the younger’s eyes. Seokjin smiles reassuringly, like it’s nothing, like it didn’t make Seokjin had no proper sleep. The older pats him in the back, guiding him to the door. “Thank you for this, Koo. We actually need it indeed.”
 
“You think so?” Jungkook asks in small and hesitant voice, his step getting slower.
 
“Absolutely. I miss you two.” Seokjin says dreamily. “I miss just the three of us, talking about our dreams and life.”
 
There’s something in Seokjin’s voice that doesn’t sit well in Jungkook’s gut. It sounds like Seokjin implied something more. But before Jungkook can take the words further into his brain, Yoongi appears downstairs. He looks up, eyes widen in excitement as his eyes fixed at Seokjin.
 
“Ah, there you are.” Yoongi smiles sheepishly. “Let’s have dinner. Koo, wash your hand.”
 
“I’m not a kid!” Jungkook steps down sulkily. “I won’t forget washing my hand.”
 
“You did this morning.” Seokjin reminds him kindly.
 
Yoongi cackles. “Such a baby.” He reaches for the youngest’s chin playfully which earn glare as a reply.
 
Seokjin takes Yoongi by hand, leading them into dining room with a smile tugging on his lips. Jungkook thinks he might not regretting this.

*

Seokjin’s mom asked them to stay longer, as expected. But Jungkook can’t buy more absence of his school. He knows Yoongi wanted to stay longer though, his heart eyes staring at Seokjin’s mom like there’s no tomorrow. They promised to stay at each other’s home for a night, they won’t break it.
 
It’s worse for Seokjin at Jungkook’s home. His mom openly said she missed Seokjin more than Jungkook, the funny thing was Jungkook smiled proudly at his mom. Seokjin wasn’t surprised, they share blood. Jungkook isn’t really affectionate type verbally, but Seokjin always showered the youngest’s mom with love and care just like the way he did to his own mom, and Jungkook can’t be more thankful for this. The older just completed the hole Jungkook can’t fill.
 
Now Yoongi seems ecstatic. He doesn’t stop smiling from ear to ear since they departed from Jungkook’s home. The youngest glances at both his hyung from the rear-view mirror in the taxi they are currently riding. The oldest keeps his sight out to the building outside, but Jungkook knows his mind is somewhere else.
 
Yoongi, who’s seated next to him, interlocking Seokjin’s hand with his, face pleased and content. Suddenly Jungkook is tired. He’s never been good at pretending unlike Seokjin. He’s worn out and drained. He wants Seokjin to be happy. But he selfishly doesn’t want Yoongi to be heartbroken as well. He knows how hard Seokjin tries to mend Yoongi’s shattered heart. And he is aware how Yoongi keeps his resentment shielded so there’s no room for Seokjin to leave him.
 
“Koo?” Yoongi calls out. “Did you prepare something for my birthday?”
 
Jungkook turns too see Yoongi’s eyes shining with hope. His pale complexion flashed pink. He gulps bitterly. “Can I cook you the best ramyeon tonight? Seokjin hyung must have prepared something for you.”
 
Yoongi pouts slightly, swinging his hand to get Seokjin’s attention. “I don’t want something from him. He’s spending time with me on my birthday is the best gift ever.”
 
Jungkook fixates his eyes back to the road, snort lazily. “I’m spending my time with you too, you know. And I have to sacrifice my uni.”
 
Seokjin chuckles. “You talk as if you like coming there, Kookie.” He turns to Yoongi, smiling fondly. “And I’ve prepared something for you.”
 
“Really?” Yoongi says, doesn’t even try to hide his excitement.
 
Seokjin nods tentatively. “You’re gonna like it.”
 
“I will always like whatever you get to me.” Yoongi says, rather to himself as he stares at people walking in sidewalk.
 
Somehow Jungkook’s heart aches. For only God knows the reason.
 
*
 
“My baby!” Mrs. Min cups Jungkook’s face lovingly then hugs him tight with teary eyes. “When was the last time I see you? Ten years ago?” Jungkook struggles to breath, but his lips tug upward, smiling childishly.
 
Yoongi rolls his eyes. “Eomma, don’t be so dramatic. Last year we’re here, remember?”
 
“Shut up.” Mrs. Min snaps, but then he detaches Jungkook to pull Seokjin into her embrace, patting his back soothingly. “Ah, my son in law Seokjinnie. I miss you a lot, Darling.”
 
Seokjin’s body goes rigid, but he welcomes her in such warm embrace, noticing how thin is her body now, and it saddens him a little. “Where’s Aboenim? Is he taking care of you well? You’re so thin now,” he says, voice thick with sorrow.
 
“Am I the one to blame?” A hoarse voice echoes, a man walks into living room with sulky face.
 
Yoongi and Jungkook pull him into a short hug, but Mrs. Min doesn’t let go Seokjin yet, she leans to peck his cheek instead. “Go scold him, Jinnie.”
 
Seokjin cackles, Mr. Min laughs cheerfully as he hugs Seokjin. “You’re getting taller, aren’t you? Poor you. I bet you can break your neck just to kiss him down.”
 
“Appa!” Yoongi scowls, but no anger behind it.
 
“Come on, let’s have dinner.” Mrs. Min shushes them to leave all the bags and go to the dining room. She side hugs Jungkook, whispering,”I cooked all your favorites, don’t worry. If Yoongi and Seokjin protest just let them starve to death.”
 
Jungkook giggles. He loves Mrs. Min’s sense of humor the best. No wonder Seokjin really loves her, Jungkook frowns, his laugh dies. Yoongi once said Seokjin’s personalities are carbon copy of his mom.

*

It’s lovely night, Seokjin notes to himself. He finally gives Yoongi his birthday present, singing him a happy birthday, and he earns Yoongi’s gleaming eyes as a response. The younger takes out the couple watches, stroking it with slow, cautious touch. It’s rose gold with simple design and their initials crafted in the side. It’s perfect.
 
“Thank you, Hyung.” Yoongi smiles so wide, he wraps his arms around the older’s neck to hug him.
 
“Happy Birthday, Yoongi-ah. I love you.” Seokjin’s eyes hot with tears, but then he hears Yoongi sobs on top of his shoulder, and his tears fall down without warning.
 
“I’m so sorry.” Seokjin whispers. “I’m sorry to hurt you this much, Yoongi.”
 
There’s a moment where only Yoongi’s sob that break the long and agonizing silence.
 
Then Yoongi looks up, his face is wet and dull. “I’m sorry I’m not him, Hyung.” Yoongi says lowly. “I’m sorry I’m not as good as him.”
 
*