Carrissa Ortega, a 25-year-old who's been through more trauma than most people, struggles to hold onto her sanity. She's always treated differently because she acts differently than many people. Until she finds a group of people who can relate deepl...
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Warm tears ran down my face uncontrollably.
"You fucking piece of shit!" I punched my pillow repeatedly angrily as I sobbed.
Grabbing my hair and pulling on it until I felt the pain coursing through my skull. I let out more sobs as hot tears drenched my face. My nose running. My head was heavy.
"What is wrong with me?" I screamed into the pillow.
I pulled my heavy blue blanket over me, holding it close with a death grip. Sobbing more as my chest and ribs hurt from crying so much. I always felt crazy. My thoughts were hard to control. No one understood how much trouble I had to go through every day. Every day was different with me, mentally and emotionally. I never knew what to expect.
Sometimes I was okay. Other times I was a mess. I couldn't handle life, yet I somehow found a way to keep breathing. Keep showing up to work in the mornings six days a week.
Knock, Knock.
I immediately stopped crying, wiping the tears off my face as quickly as I can. Staying quiet. I wanted them to go away, to think I was still asleep. After a few minutes passed I heard the footsteps retreating from the door. I let out a sigh of relief. My head felt heavy and my body exhausted.
Crawling out of the blankets I dug into my drawer. There it was. My piece and my bag of weed. Opening my window where I saw the forest surrounded by fog and mist; I lit my put some weed in my pipe and lit it up. Inhaling deeply as it stung, a pleasurable sensation. Exhaling out the window. My body slowly relaxed as I continued smoking.
I eventually laid down, staring at the ceiling. Lost in my thoughts of how my life was and how I could possibly improve it. Nothing. Nothing I could do would help me reach my dreams. Everything I had tried was always shut down.
Knock, Knock.
"What!" I snapped towards my door.
Annoyed that I always had to be around people. I could never find peace. The door creaked open.
"Hey, sis! I was wondering if you wanted to go to the beach with me and Yessica?" My sister said poking her head through the door.
"No thank you, I have some things I have to do today," I lied.
She sighed, "Are you high?"
Her big brown eyes looked at me with concern.
"No." I rolled over to face my window.
I heard the door close gently. My sisters always try to get me out and about. However, they never listened to me. They never truly listened when I had something to say about how I was really feeling. They didn't go through as much trauma as I did. After all, we were half-sisters. I lived half my life in a whole other world they knew little about.
Sighing, I rolled over to grab my phone off the bed stand. Ten missed messages, two missed calls. So annoying. People wanted to talk when I wanted to be alone, and no one is around when I am ready to talk. A couple of messages were from Abdu. One person who could take my pain away temporarily.
Can you come over? I asked him as I checked my other messages.
They were just memes from people and some from my best friend Freya.
Right now? Abdu replied.
Yes.
I'm on my way *winky face*
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Cover credit: @Sinadana
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