I wrapped my arms around myself, rubbing my shoulders to grasp the last bit of warmth I could feel. I sat still on the rusty swing. If the rain water hadn't turned the ground muddy, I wouldn't hesitate to push my feet off and against the ground to let the swing creak back and forth. Instead, today, my eyes were glued to the glassy puddles beneath my feet. I gazed at the reflection of stars freckled over the moonlit sky, constantly being warped by the steady droplets of rain. What time is it? Half past 1? Or almost 2 am?
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An icy breeze swept over me. I shuddered. But this cold was nothing unbearable. I knew I'd rather freeze myself to death than spend these hours at home, ears bleeding from the moans and noises echoing from the room next to mine. Bet she's fucking another group of men today.
She. Soyeon. My fiancée.
At times like this, I can't help but question my parents' sanity. What were mum and dad thinking? Why did they decide it was alright to force me into accepting an arranged marriage? All they cared about was money, money, money. No matter how rich we were, their greed grew ferociously. They were monsters disguised as parents. And I, for half my life, believed in their kind facade. I believed in their fake smiles and fake love towards me. All they wanted was money. That's why, like suckers, they chased after this proposal for business purposes; a fruitful one that promised to bath them in an ocean of bank notes.
Dad did not allow space for rebuttal. He didn't even let me breath. He threatened to do that to me again if I rejected the proposal in any way.
Still, how do they obliviously fall asleep when Soyeon brings home different men every midnight to spread her legs to? Maybe the massive house was to blame. Because mum and dad used the rooms downstairs. But I could hear it, all night long. The loud, nasty moans that made my stomach turn. The thought of getting married to a whore disgusted me.
And the marriage was to be in three months.
I felt my spine shiver, not just at the realisation that I was running out of time, but also because the freezing downpour had me drenched. Once the shivers traveled down my bones, almost like it pushed on a trigger, a wave of overwhelming emotions rushed over me. I felt my nose tickle. I hate this. I hate everything. My heart ached so, so badly with the desperate need to escape. It's suffocating. Can't I at least be like my brother? Can't I trade places with him? He had everything, at least in my eyes he did. He was free to choose how he lived, he was sent to an actual school unlike me who was homeschooled. Oh how I'd give anything to trade places.
Or to never exist.
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I wish I never existed.
I held my breath and chewed on my lips. My vision blurred for an ephemeral moment before tears ran down my cheeks. It turned cold against my face once touched by the wind. I clutched my chest over the soaked fabric and choked out a sob. Too caught up in wailing my eyes out like a child that was lost in a crowd of strangers, I failed to notice another person approach me and occupy the vacant swing beside me, until they spoke up,
"Who hurt you, pretty boy?" ──────✧✦✧────── a;n So I plan to update every four days or so? I have a problem of being impatient, however. Let's see.
