Daughter of a Whore [on hold]

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

"The worst battle you have to fight is between what you know and what you feel." ~Unknown

My eyes fixed on my mom’s (as in the woman that gave birth to me), but when I looked at her I did not feel the anger I used to feel at the sight of her. What was happening to me? I waited until she inched besides me and sat by the side of my bed, stroking my fading blue hair.  Now I was left staring straight at Chase. I felt myself holding my breath, and getting nervous, which I didn’t understand because throughout last night and this morning, I’d been telling myself that I was over him.

My feelings were mixed up; I didn’t know exactly what to feel, or what I’d say to him. I hoped that he’d forgotten about the drama last night, and wouldn’t bring it up. We’d just go back to being friends like we were supposed to be.

I smiled at him. He smiled back, but his eyes were on my hands, which were in Colton’s. He opened his month to say something, but closed it back immediately like he too was confused on what to say. He bit on his lips with a perplexed expression on his face, all of which got me thinking, Damn, that’s hot. I pulled my hand out of Colton’s and pretended to rub my forehead. I didn’t want him to think something was going on between me and Colton. Oh, but it doesn’t matter what he thinks now, does it? I thought to myself.

I purposefully placed my hand back into Colton’s, which he held, looking down at our hands, and then smiling innocently at me. Colton looks average when he isn’t smiling, but when he does, he’s absolutely gorgeous.

I looked up at Chase, and was that jealousy? I let my smile broaden at the thought that I’d just made him jealous. Seeing him like that gave me some sick thrill. If there was no one else in the room I would have gotten up and kissed his perfect lips.

Wait what?

…No… You’re done with that, Delta, I tell myself, hoping that the more I do, I’ll come to believe it.

“Delta, are you okay, baby?” My mom’s voice cracked beside me, making me snap out of it. I turned up to look her in the eyes. Hey eyes were glistening. “I’m sorry,” she buried her face into my hair, and repeated. “I’m sorry, baby.” I didn’t like the fact that she was using the word baby. It reminded me of all the things I’ve tried hard to forget. I looked at my middle, and my eyes started to well up.

But I willed myself not to cry. Not until I really understand what this was all about. From the corner of my eyes I saw Chase slowly turn around to leave. Colton patted my hand onto the bed at my side and go up too.

Soon we were left alone; just the two of us. When was the last time we were alone together? Oh right, the very day that she told me I had to get rid of it, and she let me go away.

“I hate you… I hate you!” I said between sobs. I was beginning to feel that anger that I couldn’t find. But this anger was different; I didn’t really mean the words. “Why weren’t you there when I needed you most? Why? And then you show up now, and expect me to pretend all is well? Why are you here now, mom?” I wrapped my arms around her neck and wet her shoulder.

She was crying too, so that made me feel better. She spoke softly over me. “Forgive me, Delta. I was just too serious and focused on Kevin—“

“Right, Kevin,” I cut her off and raised my head to look at her. “You’re never serious with any guy ever, and now Kevin’s your excuse? If you’re gonna lie, at least make it believable.” I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

She gazed into my eyes, and slowly held up her left hand. “I was serious, honey. We’re getting married.”

 What looked to be a gold band embellished her ring finger. Out of nowhere I crack up a laugh, which lasted briefly before I turned to sobs. “I don’t see why you would choose him over me, over the child in me.” My voice rose naturally. “And what idiot of a guy is Kevin, who makes you—“