"You think he's falling out of love with you?" Austin pondered from his chair in his room. I sat on the bed across the room explaining that he shared his room with one of the many boys in the house.
"I know he is. I tried everything but it makes him sad. I hate it when he cries." I exhaled fustrated.
"Well I havent know you long but you're insensitive. You know that ,right?" He asked and I nodded. Jack had told me the way I word things can be considered rude. There was nothing rude about the truth. I just believed jack didn't like hearing it. When I said certain things it made jack cry.
"What can I do to fix us?"
"You have to talk to him. Tell him straight up that you guys have a problem and it needs to be fixed. The only way you can fix it is by talking it out." Austin said and his words inspired me.
I decided after work I would wait for jack at home. Tell him that we could fix everything easily. All we had to do was talk about it.
I knew I would have to watch what I said. I couldn't bring up anything that could make him cry. "Promise me you won't make him cry again zach. Please watch what you say." Austin sighed. Austin really cared how everyone felt I learned today.
"Promise."
-
I looked up from my familiar spot at the table a smile emerged on my face as the door unlocked and opened. It would be nice to see jack I had something to tell him. I wanted to fix our relationship as soon as possible.
my smile faded when a blonde haired boy came in with jack following behind him. Corbyn was here but it didn't matter I had to talk to jack. "Look who I brought over!" Jack smiled as I approached him I lay my hands on his waist and he looked at me funny. "What are you doing corbyns right here." He whispered.
"We're falling out of love and I know how to fix it." I announced aloud. Jack put his head in his hands shaking his head muttering .
"I think it's not a good time ,I'll go." Corbyn laughed awkwardly before turning to go. "Actually you shouldn't stay you can coach since Austin isn't here. Maybe tell me what I'm doing wrong so I don't make jack upset?"
"You're making me upset right now zach!" Jack raised his voice looking at me. "Yeah corbyn I'll see you tomorrow.just go." Corbyn nodded leaving quickly I looked at jack. "Why did you make him leave?" I questioned.
He grabbed my hands pulling them off his waist. "What the hell is with you latley? You're falling out of love with me and decided corbyn needs to know as well? Even listen to it?!"
"I'm not falling out of love with you.."
"Then why the hell would you say that?!" He yelled fuming. Before I responded I turned around. I was always messing up with him I felt so useless. I was a burden no matter what I did. This is why I didn't want to care for him.
I didn't want to get hurt. "You're falling out of love with me.. you know you are. You never used to yell at me or slam doors in my face. I want you to love me again I want to fix us." I looked down at my feet. Love was something I didn't understand something I had trouble with. whenever I tried to get jack to love me it made him fall further away. He loved me when I used to not love him.
maybe I should stop trying and let it happen naturally. But if I don't try I could lose him. What if my heart hurts because I don't need him in my life and that it wants to be alone.
what if i was always meant to be alone?
"Zach have you been taking your pills?" He asked suddenly walking to the kitchen. I watched as he searched around the kitchen I didn't know what for. Until he went in the back of the top left cabinet. We left old dishes there we never opened it. he found a baggie filled with the pills I refused to take. I didn't want to be less of myself. "No wonder.." He sighed. "You're feeling lonley ,aren't you?"
"Fuck you im not lonley." I said feeling angry suddenly. I didn't like it when he assumed my feelings. He didn't need to know if I was angry he just had to love me again. I was lonley. Terribly, terribly lonley.
"This isn't like you. I give you your space because that's what you want. You get weird when you're off your medicine, sad and lonley." He took a step towards me resting his hand on the back of my neck. "This isn't like you love.. I want you to be happy and you can't without your medication."
"Promise me you'll start taking it again." He finished his eyes glossy. I haven't seen jack cry in awhile He didn't cry though.
I looked away hoping he would drop it if I just didn't look towards him. Things never worked out that easily between us.
"I hate them so damn much. I won't."
"If you love me zach you'll do it."
"I said no."
"fucking hell zach it's like you hate me or something! I swear you do. You do." He sobbed in his hands. "You like to watch me suffer dammit you know I care about you and you're doing this!" He slammed the bag on the table being hysterical.
"Boys don't cr-
"I hate you herron!"He pushes me aside running up to his room.
maybe I should go all I did was hurt his feelings. Why couldn't we be normal? What was I always doing wrong.
why was it so hard to make jack Avery happy?
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I hate it when sad songs come on when I'm writing It makes my chapters come out sad
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