sometimes I wondered if jack would ever run out of tears or maybe find a better way of expressing his frustration. I watched him sit in the living room alongside Austin as they whispered in conversation. From the dining room I sat at the table being ablaze to see the two. I didn't know what they were talking about as jack countinued to sniffle and snort loud enough to reach my ears. Austin countinued to nod and listen as jack poured himself out more for a stranger than myself. Why did jack express himself to him but not someone who loved him? Was he like everyone else, afraid of judgement?
It wasn't any better that I began to have mood swings from throwing away my pills. I told jack I would take them but I was a damned liar. I couldn't stand the sad routine I felt as if it made me worse than before I started them. I was such a burden To jack I should've ended it all. It made me so extremely fustrated that everything couldn't just be fine.
"You don't even know him." I mumbled before standing up and leaving the house. I decided to go and do what jack wanted of me. He wanted me to be a perfect boyfriend and make him smile all the time yet I was no close to perfect I was as far from it. I was hesitant as I stepped in my car driving to the supermarket. I was feeling more and more discouraged each step I took down the isle. My knees felt weak and my doin grew strong. Maybe this whole long term relationship thing wasn't for me. I grabbed roses and more food and traveled to my car.
I found myself feet away from Gabbie's house feeling lost. My hands clenched the roses I held and couldn't seem to just let go. i was never one to show my emotions to just anyone but for some reason when the door revealed the girls face something ran down my cheek. It was absolutely pathetic that here I was in the middle of the night with a bouquet of broken flowers and a wet face from not only the rain but my own tears. I was letting my emotions have at it and destroy me at the moment. I couldn't gather enough strength to stop it either. "Zach?"
I sat on her floor with a towel around me and a pair of eyes too. Gabbie hadn't stopped look at me since I stepped foot in her house and a wondering gaze was now invading my comfort. "I haven't seen you since your moms funeral..how have you been, rather where have you been?" She asked in a gentle tone but there was nothing gentle about what we were talking about. My mother was dead and I cut ties with everyone but jack I didn't even speak to my brother anymore. Because if I looked back I would have to deal with the pain and I refused to think of my sister and mother. I didn't want to think about how I lost the most important people of my life.
my eyes shifted away from her and i exhaled. I knew life was hard, but why did this conversation seem harder?
"I moved in with jack an hour away. I'm in college with him and we live in an apartment across the street. I don't talk to anyone but him and Austin so don't get offended..please." I explained. Anyone could tell she was offended it didn't take a scientist to figure it out but it wasn't normal. The reason Zach had always gotten along with her was because she didn't easily get upset or offended by Zach's words.
I thought of all the things I bought that was in my car. All the things I got to make jack happy.
"You can't just fucking run away from your problems. You're always thinking of yourself. But what about me? You left me your best friend behind!" She complained and I looked back at her her eyes were now tearing up and her lip quivered before she put her head in her hands. I stood up and sat beside her resting my hand on her shoulder and sitting beside her. Her tears reminded me of my lover.
He cried so much it became part of how I saw him. I didn't want to hurt jack the way I hurt Gabbie.
"I think.." I whispered softly trailing off. I didn't want to admit it but maybe I could to her. Just her. Everything in my life was a mess and I couldn't take it any longer. My depression was spiraling and my relationship with jack alongside.
"I think I need help."
_____________________________
Goodnight
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
