Dear Jack

Letter 1 Welcome

Well, Jack, you have finally arrived!

I am very impressed that you made your entrance on the auspicious date of November the 5th.

I have decided that this was a cunning plan, on your part, to arrive on the one day, every year, when the residents of the UK celebrate Guy Fawkes, by setting off mountains of fireworks, and by lighting huge bonfires of all the rubbish that they fail to dispose of legally. You have, wisely in my opinion, removed all excuses that any of your friends, or relatives, may use in the future for forgetting your birthday.

I had promised myself that I would never give you advice, having said that, I see no harm in providing you with some useful guidance that will allow you to manipulate the world around you.

So, let us talk about birthday presents; do not be fobbed off by miserly relatives buying you boxes of fireworks. Oh no! They would have to buy those anyway.

You want proper presents, expensive presents. When unwrapping them, look at the labels, Harrods, Libertys, Fortnum&Mason, and others that I shall list for you, are acceptable. Anything that does not carry such a label is not. You must show your dissatisfaction strongly. Banging them several times on the floor, before casting them across the room, usually has the desired effect. Do try to ensure the offending relative is watching.

Think of it as a training session for them, you are teaching them to avoid embarrassment, a very useful lesson.

As far as your parents are concerned, they will also require training, but I shall deal with them in another letter. I do not want to overload you with useful information too soon.

So, Jack, a hearty welcome, I can see that you, and I, should be able to create havoc over the coming years.

I will leave you for now.

Much love,

Grandpa Owain

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