Walking The Line | ✓

Chapter Twenty-four

A few more hours soon turned into a few more days. By the time Tuesday rolled around I was already regretting my decision to wait.

Whenever we were together my mind would zone out for moments and I'd find myself staring at the German and wondering what he was thinking; if he had really meant what he'd said that day about us or he was having second thoughts and regretting ever opening his mouth. He'd never brought up that conversation again and I was getting antsy by the moment, like a cat on hot bricks. I wanted to ask him, but the chicken part of me, the part that was still cautious about starting a new relationship, held me back.

There was only one person in this earth who could understand what I was going through and lucky for me she was also one of the best psychologists in the U.S. Though whenever I said that she'd claim my opinion did not count because it was bound to be biased by our friendship.

"Did you dance the horizontal tango yet?"

I gasped. "Lily!"

"What?!" She asked all innocence.

"I can't believe you'd ask me that." I shook my head as I resumed dumping the dirty laundry in the washer.

She made a sound at the other end that sounded very much like a scoff.

"Okay. I can believe you'd ask me that. But I can't believe you'd think that of me. We've barely kissed. Once. That was all." One amazing time I can't get out of my mind and have been hoping to repeat soon.

"P-lea-se. Like you aren't both dying to jump each other's bones."

Her words brought the image of a bare chested German, all sinewy lines and muscle as he teased me for loosing a few weeks ago at the club. If just the sight of his upper torso could leave me tongue tied, I could already imagine what the whole package would do to me.

I blinked back into focus.

"Whatever. Fine." I conceded. "I want him. Bad. What's so wrong about it?"

"There's nothing wrong about that Van. That's what I'm trying to tell you. But it still doesn't seem to get through you."

I stopped my search for the soap and took a few minutes, letting her words sink in.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Lily he is so good, I wish you could've seen him with the boys. Did I tell you he's been playing with Julian after school? I think he is getting through him." She said echoing my words a few minutes ago.

"What's that got to do with anything?" I asked,  genuinely puzzled.

A pause. Then, "You are stalling."

My first instinct was to deny it. "I'm not."

"You are." She insisted.

Shit.

Am I?

I considered it for a minute.

Ok. I hadn't been that forthcoming. Could it be that my heart was telling me something and my mind was saying a completely different thing? I thought I'd made it clear that I wanted him. But, had I been clear enough?

Was I really stalling as Lily said? What had kept me from taking that kiss when the opportunity presented itself? What was keeping me now from knocking on his door and telling him I liked him? Going over there and taking what I realized I so desperately wanted?

Kuhl had been the one to make the first move. Did that mean I had to make the second?

"Don't stress yourself. It's a normal thing." Her voice brought me back to our conversation.