A Lizkook Christmas

Fives days before Christmas

Oh what a silent night it is. All my friends are all doing last minute shopping for a certain dinner party. It's just like her to host an event. All she wants is for people to feel the joy that all holiday, events, or occasion can give.

The way she smiles when people days get lifted just because she can bring the joy to them. She is filled with enthusiasm and love.

She is perfect.

Lalisa Manoban is the girl for me.

And for the longest time I thought I was the guy for her. The way we made each other better, the way I can know what she was thinking, or the way she knew my next move was something you see in movies.

I love her with all my heart.

But I fuck it up with a stupid drunken night with a girl that I hardly know.

Days before the incident, I found out Lalisa got a teaching offer to be a dance trainer in a company in Thailand. She was excited, but it turns out she didn't want to go because I have two more years of school here. And she wanted to stay with me.

She waited her whole life for an opportunity like this and I felt bad for holding her back. My we fought for two days because I wanted her to go but she said she couldn't leave me. I wanted her to reach her highest point in life but she said she could wait till I was done in with school here in Seoul.

I love her for wanting to stay but I didn't want her to resent me. The night of my drunken mistake, I talked to her about everything again, and we had the biggest argument in our relationship.

I finally ask her what she was worried about if she left.

"I'm afraid we would stop loving each other." She finally tells me.

I give her loving look. "Lili, I would never stop loving you." I tell her

Her eyes were bloodshot and I could tell there was something more to all this.

"What is it nae sa-rang?" I ask again.

"What if we aren't strong enough for the distance?"

I was confuse with her words. Did she not think we were strong enough for this.

"I think we are. Do you?" I ask her back.

She gives me a sad look and I can tell by the way she is looking at me, I knew the answer.

"I love you. But I'm scare two years will change us. Two years is along time. Don't you agree?" She rambles on.

My mind went in a daze at her words. She really is questioning us. There was a pain in my chest and I didn't know what to say or do.

I stood from my chair and look at her with disappointment. And I can tell she knew I was angry. "I have every confidence that we can make it but if you don't then that is on you."

I didn't let her reply, I storm out of the house and went to a bar.

I then remember Yeri joining me at the bar coincidentally and we had too much to drink. She kept telling me how she wish she was so lonely at night. I knew in that moment we were in a dangerous territory. I try to move and but she embrace with a hug and I honestly don't know how but her lips were on me.

After two seconds, I push her off of me gently and paid for our tab because Yeri was out of it. I told the bartender to call a cab and I gave extra cash for that.

I turn around ready to leave the bar but I froze when I saw my Lalisa standing there with tears in her eyes.
I try to explain but she ran out of the bar.

I went home that night to an empty apartment and the next day, and the next. I was loosing my mind that I haven't been able to speak to Lisa. Her friends came by and pack her stuff. She apparently went home to Thailand with her parent. Her friends told me she got an apartment and that she doesn't want me to know where it is

That was seven months ago. And here I am at the same apartment remembering all the laughter we had in this apartment. All the fights we had, all the fun and all love me in this place.

I wanted to leave this place but if I didn't have her, I wanted to be close to her memories.

I bought a Christmas present for her just in case we saw each other in middle of the street or something. I didn't care where I would run into her, I just wanted to see her.

I bought her a reel viewer and customized it of memories of us since the day we met. The little funny unique and unexpected things are always her favorite gifts.

I knew the moment I thought of it, she would love it. But I didn't know how I would give it to her. I told Jimin and Rose and they said they would bring it to the party but they weren't sure if they would give it to Lisa.

I understood.

I want her to know I miss her.

•This is the gift I was trying to describe•