Honeymoon Avenue

20.Soulless

Despite it being Saturday, I was still extremely jet-lagged. It was 8:30 pm and I was still napping. After we came back from the airport, we parted ways. I went home and so did he.

The 12 days we spent abroad still didn't feel real. All the problems stopped. It was like we had frozen in time and had spent a week in an ideal world.

I heard a knock on my front door. That's weird, there was no one I was expecting.

I made my way downstairs, still in my pj's, hoping it would a mailman or something like that.

I open the door...to find Carson?

When I was facing him, I realized I hadn't seen him in about 4 weeks.. wow... He was dressed in all black, he was even in a leather jacket..weird I was used to him in sweatshirts.

a look in his face, told me something was terribly wrong.

Carson? I uttered in a small voice

He just walked past me, already in my living room.

He was still silent, looking at the floor.

What's wrong?

I could hear a pin drop, Nobody was home and the chilly temperature was in full force. We were both standing in my living room.

actually...-Carson started

I just missed you, Carson said finally looking at me

don't scare me like that-I started to lighten up

How long have we known each other

huh? about 14 years, why?

nothing..He smirked at me

remember when we went to senior prom together

yeah-I said smiling at a beautiful memory

my family totally thought we were dating

I gave him a weird look...

remember when at the 4th-grade hearts event, I gave you a valentine

...-I stayed silent, what is he doing?

Is this about Ondreaz -I said sharply cutting the silence

NO! umm yes...I don't know

well! what is it?!

silence ensued again

so...

want to watch a movie

yeah! suddenly extremely relieved at a chance to break whatever was going on

We ran up to my room, sat on the bed

and picked a random crime show

Hey..he whispered in the middle of a scene

I love you

I love you too, you're my BFF-my eyes glued to the screen

no...

I grabbed the control and turned down the volume

I was facing him..my eyes asking for an answer

You deserve someone who values you

ok, no!

Look, I truly appreciate you looking out for me and my relationship but I think you're overstepping your boundaries. You keep going at it, but my relationship is fine, it's exhausting honestly.

I've just been thinking about you a lot lately

well,don't I'm fine

what about that Marissa chick,think about her,you like her

I don't like Marissa.I like you

all these years,'I've been hoping for a glimpse, for a chance, for something to fool myself into thinking there was a slight chance between us.I took you to prom, I gave you valentines for year,we slept in the same bed for crying out loud...

And then Ondreaz sweeps in and something in me snaps. I tried to not fall in love with you...I really did but when I kissed you in that club

I can picture us together, we can be together, it would feel so right

all I could do was stare there, my whole life, my whole life I was with him and I finally saw him in a different lense. He had seen me differently all these years.

I'm with Ondreaz, I said my voice breaking, tears were due any minute

Fuck!-he whispered, starting to lightly cry

Please let's just go back,please-he pleaded

I thought we were friends-I added hurt

I can't keep kissing strangers and keep pretending that they're you

I just looked at him, soulless eyes looking back at each other

and with words, he got up and left, out of my room, out my house and possibly out of my life